Last post, I talked about my mind being like an internet browser with 8 tabs open at once.
How many of those tabs normally contain stuff to do with the Royal Family? None.
How many has it been in the past week? One, probably.
It's been impossible to ignore the royals, with beaming pictures of Duke, Duchess and Baby C (or Kate, Wills and Georgie Boy) slapped all over every newspaper and webpage.
I would really like to get excited about the royal birth, and I did, a little bit, for a few hours, then...nup.
There are lots of things I care about, and am passionate about, that I get revved up about and can rant about. This whole Wills and Kate Baby stuff is not one of them.
I love Offspring, and lose my shit every Wednesday evening, but some people don't. It's ok. Different strokes for different folks.
My Mum loves the Royal Family. She rang me up crying when the Queen Mum died. Of course it was sad when Diana died, insofar as any young mum dying too early in a tragic car accident is sad. I watched Kate and Williams wedding on the box - I loved Kate's and Pippa's dresses, but bemoaned Wills' coif.
I like the Queen. It is good to see folk robust and mobile well into their older age. Philip, I believe, has been retired from public duties/speaking.
Diana, come to think of it, had it hard. She was barely 20 when she got married and had to learn a lot very quickly. And make a few very public mistakes. And find her husband was in love with somebody else. What was never in doubt was her love for her little boys, and her compassion.
Kate and Wills have done it differently. A bit older, a bit wiser, and neither of them ever put a foot wrong, at least not publically.
I think this is the reason I can't really engage with them. They are perfect. A bit sterile. They are nice and pretty and shiny and smiley and...well...insipid. I don't even think I have heard Kate's voice. A woman very much in the public eye who looks pretty and has no voice. It's probably not her choosing but it's a bit boring and it's not what we need nowadays, is it?
Kate rocks a frock very well, but wouldn't you, too, if you had the dosh for a posh frock and the proper bling?
I love a baby, and was excited for them, for a little while. The excitement evaporated with the media saturation of the story, and I don't even read the women's magazines.
It also evaporated with seeing Kate's choice of dress, probably a deliberate play on Diana's. Give me a W, Gimme a T, Gimme an F!! Wearing a dress like what hubby's dead mum wore to carry bubby hubby out of hospital?!?! Weird!
I love seeing new mums. What I love is that they look pallid, with bags under their eyes, messy hair, puffy tummies and wearing only stretchy gear, making me want to say "sit down, let me make you a cuppa". And they still glow and look beautiful, they way only a new mum can.
I would have been delighted to see Kate wearing jeggings, a singlet and some Havianas, with face devoid of make up and hair in a messy top-knot. Keeping it real, as it were. Kate could wear a potato sack and still look fetching. I don't know how the world's press would have dealt with it.
After some consideration, I can say that my favourite British Royals are Harry and Zara. Harry will make a great uncle, giving Baby G his first drink, smoke and lad mag. Harry has a bit of a rough, mischievious edge to him, which I enjoy.
Zara looks very much like she has better things to do than being a royal, vis a vis riding horses and winning Olympic medals and getting knocked up to rough and ready rugby players. I think she is far more beautiful than Kate. But that's just me.
There is no harm in the British Royal Family, and they graciously attend chilly events and smile with aplomb, but I really struggle to see how they are relevant today. To be sure, I am more than happy for any of them to prove me wrong.
When you think about it, they are there because their ancestors were more brutal than other people's ancestors. In those days, that meant you were chosen by God to rule. Nowadays if you went on like that the CIA might have you killed.
And inbreeding de rigeur up until far too recently. Were Chucky and Di not distant cousins?
But good luck to whoever enjoys it, and may you get full enjoyment. Chuck a party! It's what the royal bub would want you to do. Perhaps a bit of light entertainment is what it is all about really.