Monday, 13 May 2013


WARNING: Toilet Humour.

I have had a few symptoms that, while probably not dire in origin, I ought not ignore. Hence I wrote myself a referral to a surgeon to get them checked out.

I went there today. During potential thesis writing time. Practicing what I bloody well preach....

10 minutes with the Surgeon, no hand laid on me at all (in fact, very little eye contact), and bada boom bada bing "you need a colonoscopy and while you are under we may as well do a gastroscopy too, how is next Monday?"

"Uh, yeah.....I might need to see some of my own patients.....uhhh, probably can't. Nope, can't. Might have to shuffle them round.... yeah...."

Not long after that, out the door, my wallet being a great deal lighter. You may think that it is a bit rich that a doctor complains about another doctors fees, but the thought of lining the surgeon's pockets and keeping his kids in private school and him driving the latest prestige vehicle just gives me the warm fuzzies. What can I say?

Gastroscopy (camera down gob into gullet, stomach and first bit of small intestine) is a pretty straightforward matter. Fast, needle, asleep, awake 10 minutes later. I've had a couple before.

Colonoscopy - not so much. Why? You need to clear the colon out. Press ctrl-alt-delete on the bowel. Done with the aid of some industrial-strength laxative. Otherwise known in the biz as the bowel prep.

I have done this once before. It was rough stuff. Evil.
I once went to India and Nepal. I had stomach issues that were similar to the bowel prep. It was super-sonic shit. Pooping through the space-time continuum.

Not something that you want while working, obviously.

And after that a further outflow of cash.... money I had quarantined for holidays, up my bum. Literally.


Oh well - I am lucky to get it done quickly and get it out of the way, and any problem diagnosed. It is good that I have quick access to it.

The gastroscopy is being done because I am having a lot of reflux symptoms, despite medication. I realised as I was speaking to the surgeon that losing a bit off my tummy might help with the reflux. Not a particularly revolutionary realisation, but I suppose it strengthened my resolve about something I have had in the back or forefront of my mind for quite a number of years.

You see, I have a wine-belly-baby.
I need to work on this.
I need to really, really reconsider most of the extras that go into my mouth. Especially the wine.
Again, to practice what I preach.
And that might be a good segway into a body image post - one that I have been thinking up for a while.

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