Saturday, 25 January 2014

Such a pretty fat.

Sorry, you have probably this meme before.
I like it.

I am trying to win the battle in my head with poor self/body image. It's an ongoing one.

I try to walk past the mirror or and not criticise the reflection. I try not to cringe at a photo of myself. That automatic negativity, I call out and challenge.

Trying to reconcile self acceptance (not even love) with feeding myself good food and exercising (and seeing these as nourishment rather than punishment). I am getting there with that one. Certainly, when I exercise, I walk taller and feel powerful.

I try to make the best of what I have. I even put a bit of effort into my 'do today because I'm worth it.

That is just the battle in my head.

Not even the insidious and constant reinforcement from advertising that strokes the "you are not [insert adjective here] enough" gland.

But what about the people that you actually speak with?

Two examples recently

1. In a shop, I tried on a dress. It was not flattering so I didn't buy. I looked at another, said "nice dress". The (very thin) saleslady said "oh that dress is lovely on women with a fuller figure".

Befuddled, I walked out of the shop. I didn't really know what to make of that. But I don't think I will go in there again.

2. A few friends, thinner than I, complaining about their weight to me, and relaying weight loss wins.

I don't think either of them meant any harm.
And I won't call them out on it.

But I would like to propose a couple of blanket rules -

1. Sales staff should not make any judgements about a person's figure. A simple "that looks nice" is fine. Even if it is a lie. It's about moving stock off the floor, right?

Even "that looks nice, very slimming" gets up my nose a bit, to tell the truth.

2. Be careful who you share your own body image/weight issues with.

Weight is a fraught issue and body image so very easily shot to shit.
People should just drink a big cup of shut the fuck up, I say.

I work with people with significant obesity (we are not just talking 5 or 10kg) and I try to a. focus on the physical and mental health issues and b. (if it's a female) pay them a compliment or take an interest. On some level, I identify.

I like this song.


  1. Oh, I am hearing you. I have one well-meaning friend who is a decade younger than me who is a fat-phobe quite alarmingly. I am a healthy weight range, she's quite petite and fine boned, when I got married recently and in my forties she was obsessing over what pre-wedding fitness routine I would undertake and suggested an upper arm focus. The pre-wedding stress was already sending me over the edge and honestly the comment sent me into a tailspin. It was truly awful. Keep looking after yourself, your job would be quite demanding, as your study. I'm really enjoying lots of walking (including sweaty hills!). Xx

  2. I have found having a young daughter to be very good discipline in this bc I absolutely do not ever comment on my appearance negatively in from to her (I hope, she's a shocking eavesdropper). If I ask her what she thinks of an outfit/accessory choice etc I say 'which one is more fabulous?' - reinforcing that my aim is NOT to be thin/lean/slender but to be fabulous! which can be done at any size (trust me I know)
    The other thing I've found helpful is to be ok with not liking my body very much sometimes - quite frankly it sh*ts me with all these thyroid things and injuries! - but I don't hate it. Its size/shape isn't its worth.
    BTW feel free to be FILTHY with salespeople who come out with crap like that

  3. It's a tough one the issue of weight. I think we all have a complicated issue and relationship with it. I have gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me but I think it's because I am embarssingly plain at the moment. I now equate weight with health after I gained so much weight due to thyroid and aneamia issues which I wrote about in the summer ( re mayr). my friends still have a complicated issue with it but it doesn't seem to be about the weight perse. it's always about something else from an outsider's point of view. But one must remember not to let other's neurosis be compared to our sense of normality. That is the toughest part I find. I would love to post about it but it would be a thesis!!

  4. Ha, fuller figure is one of those terms I hate! It sounds so frumpy. TBH, just say fat and be done with it. I have no issues with the word 'fat' so long as it's not loaded with other meaning.

  5. even thin people have complicated weight issues. You look great, enjoy it xxx