RIP Candydog.

I just had a call from my ex.

Candy had been vomiting all night.

She was taken to the Vet. She had a very tender belly and was unwell, so the decision was made to put her to sleep.

RIP little hound. May you go to dog heaven, where there are plenty of people to give you belly rubs, bits of food and treats. Where there are heating ducts to lie over when you get cold, and carte blanche with lying on the couches.

You bought us so many happy times. Even though we annoyed you and teased you with food, you never bit or growled.

You were so well behaved at cafes. Strangers on the street would squeal with joy when they saw you. You graciously allowed them pats. Sometimes, if you saw somebody you particularly liked, you would sit down with them. Sometimes you would even roll over and let them rub your belly.

That was the kind of doggy you were.

It was just such a shame that I didn't get custody, but you were looked after very well, and given a great place to run about. You helped keep the peace in a difficult situation.

That was the kind of doggy you were.

You will always be remembered. I am glad that you were well until nearly the end, that you did not have to suffer too much.

Your mummy loves you xxx

Adios little dog.

Monday Musings.

Hello Again!

Thankyou lovelies for your comments on my last post.

Just sitting here at my desk, having attended to the Monday morning rush and wondering how it is that the weekend went by so fast.

On Saturday night, the Fella and I went to Cicciolina in St Kilda for an early dinner. I really recommend this place. The steak was to die for - it is not known as a steak restaurant but there it is. The service was also excellent - as they weren't busy they lavished attention (and little tasties of wine) on us. It is a Melbourne Stalwart, and was one of the first of the "no bookings for dinner" restaurants. Hence on a Friday or Saturday night it is good to get there early so you don't have to queue. If you are from interstate or overseas, definitely check this one out, as St Kilda is a great place to visit.

After that, we went to see the band "Of Monsters and Men" at the Palais (oh snap Ruth). They are an Icelandic indie Pop group and are great fun. If you are unfamiliar, please click below.

Lots of folks of all ages there, singing along and bopping. Very cutesy but in a cool way.

Yesterday I had the dog. Here is a picture

Did you or did you not squee at this? I would hope you did squee.

Anyway - Candydog isn't too well, her cancer has spread to her lymph nodes. So I was granted some access. The fella and I took her out for breakfast (she loves Cafes) and she MAY have got a whole pork sausage to herself. Plus half of my breakfast. We then took her for a walk. She is a bit slow on her legs, and has gotten tubby from the steroids she is on to hold things at bay. We let her sniff at every blade of grass she chose, piddle where she needed to and drink from as many puddles as she liked. She was a bit tired after the walk.

I have been a bit under the weather for the last week or two. Possibly some remnants of the SSRI withdrawal, but have had a lot of sinus headaches, and have been feeling bloated in the tummy. I have been on some antibiotics for some perioral dermatitis. I think this has upset things. All yesterday, everything I ate or drank was followed by a sinus headache (last night's was awful), nasal congestion and my tummy blowing up. I was most unwell last night, which is not the way I wanted to spend the festival of One Year.

After a bit of consideration, and given that I have just challenged myself to a month (mostly) without wine, I am going to see how I feel with 4 weeks off the wheat and dairy. Plus I am going to take some probiotics.
The reasons are below:

• I was diagnosed with Fructose Malabsorption in 2008 - part of the list of things to avoid is wheat, as it contains fructans. When I was strict off the wheat I felt really good, far less bloated and far clearer in the head. (I stopped being so strict cos I like wheaty things) If you want more info about fructose malabsporption I can write about it.
• I get very sinussy when I have dairy in significant quantities, and low fat is worse than full fat dairy. It can make me feel crappy.
• I am tired of feeling bloated. My fella is tired of me farting.
• It will probably be less of a challenge than wine avoidance.

Already this morning, I dodged the cream sponge that was there to celebrate a colleague's birthday. It was easy to say no after having made this decision.

I shall report back on compliance, and how I feel. NB I am off to Attica for a dinner with the fella so might have to have a night off - though looking at the menu it doesn't look like there is a lot of either on the menu. Will report on that meal too.

Casein and gluten are probably not any of our friends, but some people tolerate them better than others. That opinion is a bit of a fringe view, but is scientifically reasonable, and there is mounting evidence for it.

Speaking of sick and tired, I have had it up to my eyeballs with the federal election already. I like some of the reforms that Labor has made - Gonski, the NDIS, the Carbon and Mining tax. I think they need to go further. I think Labor's hardline stance on refugees is awful. I cringe at the prospect of more Labor infighting. And don't even get me started on Tony Abbott. Malcolm I could tolerate.

I think you can guess who I will be voting for.

I will actually be away overseas on Sept 7. Thank GAWD.

So tell me:

Have you ever tried eliminating things from your diet? How did it go?

What pisses you off most about the political parties?

Are you going to see any music gigs soon? Planning any good restaurant feeds?

One Year.

Most of the first half of 2012 had been tumultuous.

Lots of dizzying highs. The marathon. Training. Dating, and feeling things "click with people". Lots of new things tried, done, and the exhilaration of it all.

Lots of harrowing lows. Dating, and having things fail quickly and unexpectedly and epically. Lots of loneliness. Quite a few toxic people in my life. Divorce proceedings.

All the while I was trying to hold down a job and a PhD. Thank God I had no children to look after too, I can only imagine how hard it is.

In about July of last year, I went overseas, to the US. Partly to look around San Fran, and partly for a conference. It was a short trip, about a week.

I spent most of it (the evenings anyway) drunk, and quite a lot of it crying. Sometimes in public. In retrospect, a drunk, lone woman is a vulnerable woman. It was risky.

I had a very memorable point where I hit the bottom, and bounced up (see my "about" page)

I was a funny mix of very sad and emotionally drained.

I came back - my voice hurt from talking a few days after I started back at work. I realised that was because I had barely spoken to anyone while I was away.

I began to think:

This is Ridiculous.

I have a lot to offer.

I have a lot to look forward to.

I have plenty to do.

And

I need to stop the longing for things I don't have.

I need to be on an even keel in order to function.

So I made a fairly conscious decision. I was going to give the dating thing a rest and concentrate on enhancing and appreciating the fabulousness in my life. Yes I would probably get back on the dating website, and soon, but only once I had gotten a good foothold with things. I didn't know how long I would be single for, but I wanted to, for the most part, enjoy the good bits.

I even googled "How to embrace being single" or some such. I was already doing most of the stuff.

I spoke about it with my therapist. She was happy.

That Saturday, I went out and booked that trip to Cuba. I conversed and flirted with the travel agent. He was cute.

I went and bought myself some pretties.

That night, I had a dinner out with a dining club I went to. On this occasion I had been given a last minute spot as somebody had dropped out.

 I enjoyed the company there. They usually let me choose the wine, as they thought I was good at it. The crowd is on average about 15 years older than me, both genders. No sparks had flown with any of the gentlemen, hence I felt it was a good low pressure environment. I could practice my witty repartee and harmless flirting.

I donned one of my new frocks and trammed it in. I remember feeling really excited, like something good was about to happen.

There were pre-dinner drinks. I spotted a nice looking gentleman who was also part of the group. "Hellooooo" I thought. There were a few ladies hovering about. What the hell, I started a conversation. He was a bit shy, maybe standoffish. He warmed up a bit.

We made our way over to the table. I thought "sit next to me, sit next to me". He sat next to me.

We discussed wine choices... After a glass or two conversation became easier.

After a little while I mentioned that I was perfecting my curried sausage recipe. He turned to me and said "I love curried sausages".

The conversation got a bit easier after that. After dinner, we all headed off to a bar... Except he and I broke off from the rest of the group. The Night Cat was crowded, but an upbeat live band was playing. I sat with my drink and told him "I can't help it, I have to dance". So we did. The crowd pushed us closer together. I turned to face him. We kissed. And we kept on doing that.

After a little bit of that, we headed off to Polly bar. There were more drinks. More talking. More kissing. At one point, he invited me back to his place. I declined, saying "it's not you I don't trust, it's me". We arranged a time to meet again, 6 days later.

We stayed there till kick out time, then we caught taxis separately. He texted me saying how much he enjoyed his night, and I reciprocated.

The next morning, I awoke with sore lips, and a nice feeling. I kept it in check, trying not to get too excited. I had been disappointed before. Plus, that day I had my very last (promise) date with a guy from RSVP. Lunch in the city. He was nice but there was not a lot of common ground.

I went to the loo. Checked my phone. A text message.

"I am thinking Friday is a bit far away. Can we go out tomorrow or Tuesday?"

Squeeeeee!

I replied "sure. Talk later?"

He arranged a date for the Monday night at Sarti. More food. More wine. More kissing.

The date ended on Tuesday morning.

There were more dates. It was wonderful, though part of me was frightened. Another part was saying "hang on, I was meant to be enjoying singlehood."

I had a bit of 'splaining to do to my therapist the next week. She was happy. 9 days after we met, he posited the term girlfriend. I was taken aback. What happened to the 3 months of skirting around the issue that other people seemed to do? I said he could be my boyfriend, and massage therapist. I drive a hard bargain.

It's now a year to the day since we met. Yesterday, I had a text from my ex, saying that candydogs cancer had spread, and offering to bring her around. So today the ex met the fella. They shook hands graciously. Something poetic in that.

Every day, I am grateful we found each other. We try to be the best partners we can be to each other.

It is not perfect but it is wonderful.

The fourth weekend in July

July, thou art a fecking cold month.
Thou art dark too. And rainy.
And this year no wine

Hey I think that is almost a Haiku.

Hi, how YOU doin? How was your weekend?

Thankyou for all your insights re: the royal family and the royal baby. It is different strokes for different folks and I enjoy all points of view. 'Cause thats the way I roll.

Did we just not have a weekend? Gosh it went by fast.

On Friday, my clinic had been cancelled so I did my work in the morning and played hooky in the afternoon (and dragged the fella with me). We went to see the Afghanistan exhibition at the Melbourne museum. As you could imagine, it was quite a small collection of treasures. The Russians and Taliban had blown up a few museums and rendered lots of archeological sites unsafe / useless over the years. A pity, as, with it's strategic position on the Silk Road, Afghanistan is an historically rich place, with Greek, Middle Eastern and Far Eastern influences.

What survived, though, was lots of gold blingy stuff.

You would not normally associate such beauty with Afghanistan....It is a shame.

I joined the fella to have some beverages at the pub with some of his work colleagues.
Much needed chips and nachos were eaten.

Unfortunately I was really grumpy from a frustrating morning. Seeing others enjoy their wine made me even more grumpy. So I thought "Fuckit, I am buying a golden ticket". I got shouted a couple glasses of wine. Then a third. Strangely, I could not finish it. I was just....full. I know wine and carbs go into different stomachs (It is a medical fact) but it just wouldn't go. Interesting.

On Saturday morning, I went for a longish run with my mate Deb, who is training for the half. The run was notable for a. being slow b. inducing underarm chafing and c. seeing a little dog dangle by its jaws from a stick that its mistress was holding up. Kind of like this dog here:

Funny little dog!

Saturday evening the fella and I went to see Behind the Candelabra. Michael Douglas deserves an Oscar for it. Matt Damon was pretty good too. It portrayed the relationship between Liberace and his toyboy lover more sympathetically than I would have thought.

Sunday involved a visit to a friend and her 3 month old girlbaby. The bub was a tad fractious, so I busied myself assembling lunch then a banana cake. Because all good family homes need the smell of baking in them on a weekend winter's afternoon, no? After a feed, the baby graciously bequeathed me some Aunty cuddles, but did not look terribly interested in the cake baking in the oven.

My fella is big into music, and last night, we went to see a gig by a mini-hipster called Jake Bugg. He gets lots of airplay on Triple J. He sung good, but the banter between the songs was lacking. Maybe it's a hipster thing, or the fact that he is only 19 or something, and may have had his mum lurking backstage. I could not understand a word he sung but his music is very catchy. The audience was full of mini-hipsters. God love them. I asked my fella whether he was a wanna be hipster and he replied earnestly "no, I'm a dirty old man". God love him.

Here is a youtube clip of Jake Bugg. I am very anti-smoking but I concede that this song is quite catchy, and I like the sentiment of holding two fingers up to yesterday, sometimes it helps to let the past go.

I am looking forward to this week. I have just reached a milestone in my study (yay). Dry July is over (yay yay yay). Offspring is on (yay). Me and the fella are approaching our one year anniversary (yaaaaay)

What are you up to this week?
What type of music do you like?

Things that make you go "meh".

Last post, I talked about my mind being like an internet browser with 8 tabs open at once.

How many of those tabs normally contain stuff to do with the Royal Family? None.

How many has it been in the past week? One, probably.

It's been impossible to ignore the royals, with beaming pictures of Duke, Duchess and Baby C (or Kate, Wills and Georgie Boy) slapped all over every newspaper and webpage.

I would really like to get excited about the royal birth, and I did, a little bit, for a few hours, then...nup.

There are lots of things I care about, and am passionate about, that I get revved up about and can rant about. This whole Wills and Kate Baby stuff is not one of them.

I love Offspring, and lose my shit every Wednesday evening, but some people don't. It's ok. Different strokes for different folks.

My Mum loves the Royal Family. She rang me up crying when the Queen Mum died. Of course it was sad when Diana died, insofar as any young mum dying too early in a tragic car accident is sad. I watched Kate and Williams wedding on the box - I loved Kate's and  Pippa's dresses, but bemoaned Wills' coif.

I like the Queen. It is good to see folk robust and mobile well into their older age. Philip, I believe, has been retired from public duties/speaking.

Diana, come to think of it, had it hard. She was barely 20 when she got married and had to learn a lot very quickly. And make a few very public mistakes. And find her husband was in love with somebody else. What was never in doubt was her love for her little boys, and her compassion.

Kate and Wills have done it differently. A bit older, a bit wiser, and neither of them ever put a foot wrong, at least not publically.

I think this is the reason I can't really engage with them. They are perfect. A bit sterile. They are nice and pretty and shiny and smiley and...well...insipid. I don't even think I have heard Kate's voice. A woman very much in the public eye who looks pretty and has no voice. It's probably not her choosing but it's a bit boring and it's not what we need nowadays, is it?

Kate rocks a frock very well, but wouldn't you, too, if you had the dosh for a posh frock and the proper bling?

I love a baby, and was excited for them, for a little while. The excitement evaporated with the media saturation of the story, and I don't even read the women's magazines.

It also evaporated with seeing Kate's choice of dress, probably a deliberate play on Diana's. Give me a W, Gimme a T, Gimme an F!! Wearing a dress like what hubby's dead mum wore to carry bubby hubby out of hospital?!?! Weird!

I love seeing new mums. What I love is that they look pallid, with bags under their eyes, messy hair, puffy tummies and wearing only stretchy gear, making me want to say "sit down, let me make you a cuppa". And they still glow and look beautiful, they way only a new mum can.

I would have been delighted to see Kate wearing jeggings, a singlet and some Havianas, with face devoid of make up and hair in a messy top-knot. Keeping it real, as it were. Kate could wear a potato sack and still look fetching. I don't know how the world's press would have dealt with it.

After some consideration, I can say that my favourite British Royals are Harry and Zara. Harry will make a great uncle, giving Baby G his first drink, smoke and lad mag. Harry has a bit of a rough, mischievious edge to him, which I enjoy.

Zara looks very much like she has better things to do than being a royal, vis a vis riding horses and winning Olympic medals and getting knocked up to rough and ready rugby players. I think she is far more beautiful than Kate. But that's just me.

There is no harm in the British Royal Family, and they graciously attend chilly events and smile with aplomb, but I really struggle to see how they are relevant today. To be sure, I am more than happy for any of them to prove me wrong.

When you think about it, they are there because their ancestors were more brutal than other people's ancestors. In those days, that meant you were chosen by God to rule. Nowadays if you went on like that the CIA might have you killed.

And inbreeding de rigeur up until far too recently. Were Chucky and Di not distant cousins?

But good luck to whoever enjoys it, and may you get full enjoyment. Chuck a party! It's what the royal bub would want you to do. Perhaps a bit of light entertainment is what it is all about really.

Who do YOU talk to?

A bit of a different post today.

It's said that being a woman is like being an internet browser with about 8 tabs open at a time.

I think that Offspring's Nina Proudman is a character that connects with women because she has a lot of internal chatter. Some of it uncomfortable.

Some of it is just banalities. What to pick up from the supermarket. Who to call.

A lot of it has a bit more of an emotional edge. Fears. Doubts. Worries. Worries about stuff that will in all likelihood never, ever eventuate. Assumptions about what other people think.

Stuff that, if it is said out loud, loses power, as it doesn't make a great deal of sense, or is unhelpful.

When there are too many tabs open full of crap (say facebook, twitter, a few unhelpful diets, and 3 email accounts) it can be overwhelming.

It can make the computer shit itself and go all slowly. We need a way to press ctrl-alt-delete on it.

A good internal "ctrl-alt-delete" mechanism is a good thing. We all need to tell ourselves "stop, just hang on" sometimes.

It is really important, too, that we have an external ctrl-alt-delete mechanism. A person to talk to, that we can workshop some of the cray-cray shit with.

One that won't judge or necessarily offer solutions, but reinforce our own trust in ourselves. One that we trust, that we can make ourselves vulnerable to, that we feel safe with. It is a function of both the person and our own ability to put trust in others.

It is good if we have somebody in our lives like that.

Even if we have to pay them to take that role!


So tell me...

Do you have an 8-tab browser mind?
Can you press ctrl-alt-delete on yourself?
Do you have a person who you can download to?

Run Melbourne Race Report. Plus Recipe.

Howdy pardners!

Hope all the Bowling and time Ashore or whatever you did on the weekend was enjoyable.

I joined the army of 20000 people in lycra to do Run Melbourne yesterday. They had 3 events on offer;  5km, 10km and Half-Marathon (21.1km) races.

The forecast was for rain and hail. Instead we were treated with this vista over the Yarra:

The good old Melbourne weather Bait and Switch....gotta love it.
It was FAREEZZing though and a few of us girls from run group were huddled up at the start line.

I have really got back into the running. My goal this year is to do my best 10km time (sub-60 minutes is my Everest).

I took almost a year off after running the London Marathon in 2012, as I had some lumbar nerve root injuries, and plus I got a bit lazy about it. However later last year I got serious about rehabbing and slowly got back into it. I re -joined running group a few months ago. I find I am more likely to stick to an exercise regimen if a. I have paid for it, and b. it is at a set time and c. if people are expecting me to be there. Yes 9 times out of 10 before a session I have an attack of the CBFs, but I nearly always feel better after the session.

Anyway back to the race. It was a fairly packed event, with a convoluted course, lots of dog legs and everything.

But if you know Melbourne, you will agree it is quite scenic. And we go DOWNHILL on Anderson street.

I started out running with a group mate but I find it is nearly always best if I do it at my own pace. Hence, as she was bearing ahead of me, I yelled "just go, run!".

I enjoyed the atmosphere, the weather and some of the bands that dotted the course. Early on, there was an opera singer. Later there was a DJ playing Eminem's "Lose Yourself" (love that ditty), some African drummers, and some brass musicians playing the Rocky theme. There was also a band playing Bruno Mars "Amazing" - not what I would have thought typical, but it was appropriate.

I cheered on some folks who looked like they struggled - there was a blind runner with her companion, so I gave her a cheer.

I high-fived the volunteers, God love them, they are enthusiastic. I love it when a line of them put out their hands and you run past and high five all of them.

Though I love the atmosphere of a mass-participation event, I never fail to get annoyed with some people who do stupid things on the course. I am a stickler for the rules during these things. I have seen some nasty tumbles.

Like the people who walk from the start and don't start at the back.

And those who duck and weave quickly through the course. It's dangerous.
And people who yap on their phones and walk arm in arm five abreast.... Annoying as hell.

After the 5km mark, I had a lady come to a complete stop in front of me. I yelled "careful".
She said "sorry" then muttered "fuck off"
I said to her "beg your pardon?"
She muttered "you heard".
I COULD have gone all ghetto on her, but I decided to do the thing that would piss her off the most, and that was to keep running, ahead of her. I didn't get the last word, but I kind of did...

Given that I had not been running that distance consistently recently, I was glad that I was able to keep up the running throughout most parts. I had to walk at a part under a bridge that was a bottle neck. Also, there was an overpass that gets all bouncy and I hate running on bouncy things so I walked 100 metres. Then, just after 9km, there was a big hill and I walked part of that.

I like to go all-out in the last 1/2 to 1 km, really empty the tank. I saw a lady walking through the finishing chute and I yelled at her "RUNNN" and she duly picked up the pace, thanking me as she ran past me.

I was quite happy with my time, with an average pace a little under 7 minutes per kilometre, sparing the walking/drink breaks. It is something that I can work off.

To this end, I have signed up for the Sandy Point 10km in a few weeks, plus the Melbourne Marathon 10km event in October. I would like to do the spring into shape series as well. I find fun runs very motivating. I will do some longer runs in the 12-15km distance range, as these will make me very comfortable running the 10km - I think I struggled a little in the last few km.

I am always very tired after a race and need a shower and a lie down. I did not feel like eating out so instead I made some of these bad boys:

The glob on the bottom right is some guacamole from a tube! I KNOW RIGHT!!

This is my healthier version of Nachos. I adore nachos, and indeed all Mexican food, but it is calorific.

I start with some corn tortillas. I freeze them so they don't go all mouldy. 4 small ones were used here.

I cut them into wedges, and spray them with a good amount of olive oil and then sprinkle over some salt.

I put them into an oven at about 200 degrees till they are golden. They come out all crispy.

I then arrange them on a plate, and pour over some salsa. If I am in the mood for a more substantial meal, I use the old el paso bean mush or some mexe beans. You can put some chilli con carne or chicken strips here too. I top with a little grated cheese (low fat if that is your thing) and then grill till the cheese is melted.

I add some chilli sauce and guacamole.
And then I nom.


So, over to you:
Have you ever done a fun run?
Are you a stickler for or enforcer of the rules?
And do you like Nachos? (Rhetorical question. Everyone does)