(Warning - long talk about old fridges!)
Well it's been a long time!
I am currently in the process of packing up all my stuff and moving it across to the house that I will be sharing with the fella. He moved in there on Monday, and I am "officially" moving in next Thurs, but given that we are going away to Christchurch tomorrow for a few days, I have been working away at it for the last week or so.
For me, this time, is not just the packing of stuff in boxes and moving said boxes.
I have to streamline.
I have to declutter.
I have to say goodbye to some things.
Moving from a marital home, into a shared home then a little flat, I had a lot of marital home stuff that has stayed with me. Plus a lot of other things I bought.
Buying stuff on impulse, or to soothe ourselves when we are down, or even with the best of intentions, and never using it....we've all done that. A lot of the things sitting in my spare room have been forgotten. Going through them and sorting them out...well, it's a bit confronting isn't it?
I have had an "if I haven't used it in a year I am not likely to so give it to charity" rule. Ditto keeping stuff that is a bit tight "I will fit into it soon". (That last one is very confronting).
Yet with a bit of thought, I have been able to repurpose some things. Those silver frames that were given as a wedding present and stayed in boxes? Lovely for the free photos that also sat in boxes.
I want our new home to have lots of photos in it. Photos in frames make a house a home.
Part of my inner resistance to clearing out stuff I don't use is the old "what if I fall on hard times and need it again" thing.
It's also sad to let some things go because they are the last bittersweet reminders of a past life.
In the dissolution of my marriage, I got custody of the fridge and washing machine. They sat in storage while I was sharing house but got used when I moved in by myself.
They are 10 years old, my fella has newer and better and more efficient models, so they go into the new house.
I've struggled to decide what to do with them. Part of that is the memory of my ex husband and I buying them with our very first paycheck. It sounds silly but it is really hard to let go of them. It is really hard to sell 10 year old fridges and top loading washing machines. So I have decided to give them to charity. A struggling single mum might benefit. That will make me happy.
I am determined to bring a strong sense of myself into this new home (and, more broadly, the relationship). Some of my paintings, and other stuff, will have pride of place.
This moving thing - it's a process. A process of saying goodbye, compromising, letting others in. Perhaps acutely experiencing a little of that fear that comes with taking big steps in a relationship.
But it's the right time, and the right thing, and we are moving into a lovely place, and I am looking forward to it.
So I say bye bye fridge (mustn't forget to keep London Marathon Magnet)
Bye bye rattly but reliable top loader
And bye bye stinky and worn sneakers I ran the London Marathon in.
And HELLO neat and organised Walk-in Pantry
And every last oil and sauce one could ever need
Hello to barbies (barbecues, not the doll) in the back courtyard.
Hello to many years of lots of nice experiences and memories.
A life lived well and consciously.