Tuesday, 15 August 2017

I am/I have/I will be

I am back from my holiday/conference. My skin is brown. The twinkle in my eye shone while I was away, more than it had for a while. It's back to the grind now. I've hit the ground running into usual life, jetlag notwithstanding. I am already looking into my next holiday - that is the most tried and true way to beat the post-holiday blues.

I have a lot of photos from my trips, showing the wonderful time I had, we had. They are on instagram. @c_j_hay - take a squizz?

I will be transferring my $6600 lump this month. People say "oooh, that's exciting". It's not, really. I have a lot of feels about it, none of them are exciting. The sensible thing to do with these feels is take care of myself. I am.

Apropos of this, I have decided that, tonight, I will give crossfit a miss. I had a busy day, today. I will hit it hard tomorrow, but tonight, I am resting (also folding up on the washing).

I have re-discovered the magic of "Jagged Little Pill", the album by Alanis Morissette. I was not a very cool teenager and this was the first album, and perhaps the only album since, that I loved, song by song. Alanis is playing in Melbourne. All the tickets sold out and are on resale (greedy fucking scalpers). This prompted me to do the re-visit, and I still know all the words to all the songs. I am staggered that she was only 20 or 21 when she wrote and performed it. It screams of life having slapped you hard a number of times.

I have re-discovered my singing. I sing along to that album, loudly. While my partner is not at home. Thankfully, my dog is not wont to howl along.

There is another Alanis song "Thank You" which has been on high rotation on my iphone. So many truths. It's my new anthem. It's about incorporating all the good and the bad into yourself, about enjoying the moment, and the good that comes when you let go of what is not helpful.

Hence, I have googled "how to let go of things". My main focus at the moment is getting through the IVF treatment and riding out all the feels with that. New ego-bolstering jobs, house renovations and all the other things that other people seem to be nailing along with having babies - these can wait.

Now - I need to attend to the washing.

Does anyone else have an anthem?


  1. Sedona does give a twinkle - it is an amazing place with unique energy and I hope all those vortexes re-energized you! Love Alanis. I might give her a listen today actually.

  2. At the moment, though it often changes, think my favourite is Cat Steven's song "Morning has Broken". This may sound a bit depressing and macabre but I think it's what I'd like played at my funeral - it's a very beautiful song - both the words and the music. Have been thinking of such things as I have two dear friends going through chemo, for one of whom it's only to buy her a bit more time as she already knows her cancer is terminal. With the other friend I now have begun the privilege of sitting by her side while she has the long chemo sessions. We talk and laugh and have the best time - so it makes it all pass more quickly. She had begun to dread it (despite the presence of her husband for part of the time) as they don't provide a television set and she was relying on reading to get through it. Now we can't believe how quickly the time passes. But it does make me more grateful for each day. Also to think ahead and to remember John Donne's words - "... and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls...".
    So glad you had such a happy holiday. Good luck with the IVF. I'm become a believer in the 'what will happen, will happen" philosophy - it kind of helps avoid becoming anxious and tense. Alanis Morisette was one of our son's favourite singers when he was a teenager - I remember buying him "The jagged Little Pill" album. Best wishes, Pammie

  3. Hi, I love Alanis too. Thinking of you sending you courage, because to quote Liz Taylor, now is the time for guts. Xxxxxxx