It's really starting to sink in, this preggo business.
Over the last week or so, I have been starting to feel ill. It is not limited to the morning, but occurs every time I get hungry. I have about 2 minutes to get something to eat before I feel sick. Thankfully, I have not vomited. I hate vomiting, it is a traumatic experience.
More prominently, I am getting food aversions. I have gone right off meat, unless it is contained in a dim sim (steamed, in my defence), a Maccas cheeseburger, or a sausage. I can only really manage salads, not steamed vegetables.
I went to a barbecue yesterday, I ate the meat sparingly, but felt personally victimised by the complete lack of any potato-based foodstuffs. Surely a potato salad is mandatory at a barbie?
My tastes have become more bland. I prefer salty food to sweet food. I have gone off coffee a bit, and don't like the idea of red wine, however a sneaky glass of champers on my birthday (39!!!!) was thoroughly enjoyed.
I can only stomach a chocolate milkshake after my crossfit workout. A small one. In my defence, it contains protein.
I can't tolerate much food at a time, and have been a convert to the "small amounts frequently" school of food consumption.
I know that my food choices aren't the healthiest, but it's really about getting through the busy days feeling as good as I can. Toasty cheese and tomato sandwiches have replaced fried goods. I am enjoying fruit, so I eat sufficient quantities of this. I am (mostly) doing the best I can. Besides, I figure these food preferences must serve some biological purpose.
I have been talking to my sister, she had identical food preferences during her first trimester. Down to the Chocolate Milkshake cravings.
I have developed a supernatural sense of smell. This is a little unfortunate, working in health care and living with a dog who sometimes does excited piddle leaks. I can also get quite dizzy when I stand up- the progesterone is working its magic on my blood vessels.
I have been doing crossfit. It makes me feel good to feel capable and work within my limitations (mainly feeling a bit seedy and sometimes dizzy) but still get a sweat happening. To know that the 80% effort I can comfortably muster is actually better than the 100% effort of last year. I have been doing the crossfit open, and have seen improvements.
It is reassuring to be having these symptoms. I didn't have them as strongly last time.
Still, it is hard to get too excited. I look back and ponder what I have been through, and how depleted I felt up to the time I got the two lines on the stick. It's quite unsurprising I find it hard to get excited. It'll come, hopefully, all going well.
In recent months, have made friends with some funny and irreverent infertiles on the 'gram. A couple of them have made the decision to stop treatment. I completely get where they are coming from. There is more power in walking away from what is not working than in pining for something that is moving further and further away. There is space for them to grieve. They seem better now.
As always, I have had plenty of other things to do and think about. Our impending house knockdown rebuild. Some papers I have to write. A job application. Normal life goes on.