Thursday, 27 February 2014

Sigh, grit teeth and smile...Checking in.

I think this bug that I got has knocked me around a bit. I still feel a bit sick occasionally, especially if I get hungry. And I've been really pooped.

Most of my attention has been towards work and my PhD. Specifically, I want, HAVE to finish the PhD (or lapse candidature). My energy has been directed towards developing a plan to complete, overcoming certain obstacles (too mundane to discuss here). Also, towards expanding my work practice, perhaps into some private practice, though not too much during the PhD (otherwise I shall never finish). Towards making other life plans - saving money, having babies, et cetera.

Nothing like an end point to sharpen your focus, no?

I am also very rapidly approaching my 35th Birthday - on Saturday. That might sound spring chickeny to some readers, but it is officially Mid-30s. I can't help but get a bit philosophical.

When I was 25, where did I think I would be when I was 35? I don't think I thought about it that much. I was newly married, in the physician training program, and life felt a bit like is was mapped out, like I was on a raft on a river.

But life goes interesting when you go against the flow, doesn't it? Difficult, sad, challenging, and at times, harrowing, but ultimately rewarding. I am very happy with the way things have turned out.
Yet it is the perceived holes in our life that keep us from stagnating, keep us moving along. I think you know what that hole, that yearning, might be.

I am having a think about what I would have told my 25 year old self. My 30 year old self. That might be a separate blog post.

Anyway, that is enough for one night. I think it will be House of Cards, then sleepybyes.

I have just finished the book "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro. I am looking for another to download. Something fairly light, a bit funny.

What would you say to your younger self?
What book do you recommend?
What telly series are you enjoying?


  1. I just did a super marathon of Damages and boy was I exhausted and any regret of not continuing law vanished completely!

    I would say to my younger self to calm the heck down and not worry so much. I worry so much less now and the outcomes tend to be similar. BUt only thing I would do is explore and travel more ( I tended to revist places over and over rather than go to say - India or Peru.) I am still in the middle of Before I go to sleep that will be made into a movie with nicole kidman.
    PS I find the 5's a lot more introspective than the 0's. 5, 15, 25, 35 - they were the ones that made me pause and re-evaluate so don't worry par for the course!! Hope you get your PHD done pronto and then you can get on with your next big project!! xx

    1. Big up Cilla! Hope you having a great birthday xx

  2. "Never Let me Go" is one of my favourite books.
    Even though I'm disappointed I didn't get into a PhD program, part of me is secretly pleased to not have all that pressure. I feel your pain x

  3. "Never Let me Go" is one of my favourite books.
    Although I'm disappointed I didn't get into a PhD program, part of me is secretly relieved I don't have all that pressure. I feel your pain x

  4. Hope you feel 100% soon! I think I would have told my younger self to save more money, although I really doubt I would have listened! I'm finding my 40s to be the best decade ever, despite feeling knackered all the time.
    Love Kazuo Ishiguro. I've just read 'Burial Rites' by Hannah Kent. Excellent, but not super cheery. 'Teach Us To Sit Still' by Tim Parks is also fab, and v funny.
    Gambare for your PhD. Such an epic mountain to climb!

  5. The Mouseproof Kitchen is one of my favourite new releases. Or you might quite like The Examined Life. Orrrrrrr. I'm struggling and my mind has gone blank. I should really keep a reading list. The end.

  6. "The Rosie Project" - Graeme Simsion
    It's an easy and absorbing read, light-hearted and heart-tugging at the same time. I really think you'll like it.
    You're welcome.
    :-) x

  7. ah. the approaching 35 angst. remember it well ;-)

    who-we-are-in-RL is heading for 45 on march 9th so we watch her get a little reflexive (being a virtual character we remain 29 and circa 1929 of course).

    great questions - may we respond?

    What would you say to your younger self?
    "be bold, be brave, it'll all be glorious, after all, it's meant to be an adventure, lighten up lady and stop squishing down your feelings in inappropriate ways. oh, and btw, we move to America in 2001 so you really DO need to pass that driving test eventually...."

    What book do you recommend?

    "gosh, so many - anything by Sybille Bedford - particularly Pleasures and Landscapes"

    What telly series are you enjoying?

    "not sure one can say "enjoying" as we watch it behind closed fingers at times - The Bridge - but we sometimes dip back into The Hour and Studio 60 on the sunset strip - both brilliant."

    lovely blog.

    best of luck with your PhD.

    (we saw your comment on Naomi's couldashouldawoulda in case you're wondering how we got here)


    _teamgloria. x

  8. 1. don't marry the 1st husband
    2. Gold finch
    3. House of cards

    Happy birthday xxx

  9. CillaLovely!!! Happy Birthday!!!! Lots of blog hugs to you!
    Very thoughtful words about C and mental health...I wanted to comment but couldn't find the words.
    What would I say to my younger self...'don't works out in the end...' 'You won't find your soul-mate in a night club'. !if he doesn't ring...NEVER ring him...LOL. 'If you have to ask...the answer is no'.
    Really looking forward to seeing your Sri Lanka trip.