My first love.

I would like to tell you about my first love.

I was 9.

His name was John Farnham. Or Johnny Farnbottom as my dad used to rib me with.

When I was 9 I got my first very crappy walkman, and a cassette tape of Whispering Jack. I played it endlessly.

I remember when Johnny had a guest appearance on Home and Away. He probably had an album to flog. The storyline went that Sally got chickenpox and was unable to go to his concert. Of course he came to her, and sang her a version of "Help" by the beatles. I taped it (Beta cassette, thank you very much) and watched it repeatedly.

I remember I learned that his favourite sandwich was a ham sandwich. I wrote a letter to him, asking him round to our house for ham sandwiches. I don't think he got it.

He was a bit of a spunk, ol' Johnny. The mullet was de rigeur, and emulated by folks like Jason Donovan. But nobody could compare to my Johnny Farnbottom.

I think I lost interest in Johnny after the Age of Reason album. Not before I drove my parents crazy.
Yet, on reflection, my musical tastes as a 10 year old also were inclined towards men with killer mullets. Behold:

Years passed, Mullets went out of fashion, and my musical tastes evolved.
I still like 'em hirsute. And monstrously talented.

But I never forgot my first love.

Myself and a girlfriend are flying up to Sydney tomorrow to see John Farnham (and Lionel Richie but I am there to see my Johnny Farnbottom).

My 9 year old self is thrilled. My 35 year old self is pretty excited too. There was no money for concerts growing up...there is now. Though my Johnny looks a bit more like this nowadays

Perhaps he regrets doing away with the mullet.

Everyone says "I thought John Farnham had retired". He has, about 5 times. I think Glenn Wheatley gives him a nudge when they are a bit short of coin.

But I am glad he is back. He is still my Johnny Farnbottom, my first love.

Things I'm thinking about at the moment...

There are lots of things I am thinking about at the moment. They change with the day, but here are some recurring thoughts. Some serious, some more fluffy and light.

I am thinking of the poor families of the passengers of the Malaysia Airlines flight that vanished off the face of the earth.

I am thinking of all of the times I got on planes to travel here and there. The trust I put in the pilot, my fellow passengers. That I didn't get too annoyed about the safety and security measures, because they were there to protect us. The times where I didn't even think about the risk of a crash.

Mostly the civil aviation authorities are one step ahead of major disasters. The carry-on luggage rules become ever-more strict.

In the past, I have made big journeys just after big disasters - a couple of months after 11/9/2011. Four weeks after the London bombings in 2005. I am going to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday on an MH flight.

These things are terrible, and (hopefully) make us take stock of how lucky we are. We hug our loved ones goodbye just that little more fervently.

We also remember that we must continue to live how we want to.

I am thinking about Scott Ludlam's speech to an empty senate chamber. Good thing it has gone viral. How eloquent it seems in comparison to the man who runs our country. How frustrating it is that good ideas and the ability to verbalise and sell them shrink in the public consciousness next to pandering to people's less honourable instincts.

I am thinking about child marriage in Iraq. How girls as young as nine are able to be married off, overseen by clerics.

I am thinking about how, when you chop off one head, the one that grows in its place may also be problematic.

I am thinking about a difficult and unpleasant encounter I had at work on Friday. Did I try my very best? I think so. Would I handle it differently in future? Probably yes. Not because that would necessarily be the right thing to do, it's just so I am less likely to have this sort of thing happen again. Unfortunately, we have to protect ourselves.

But that is all a bit heavy, is it not?

There was a lot of buzz about the Oscars frocks. I liked Cate's frock. Lupita's has grown on me. Kate Hudson's was smart too. The rest were very meh.

The more important question that I pondered was "which Hollywood actor would I do?".

I have to say that Leonardo Di Caprio does nothing for me. Too baby faced.
Brad Pitt, ditto.

Matthew McConaughey - hmmmm, maybe.

There are three I luff.

Kevin Spacey.
James Spader (nowadays, not when he was young)
Daniel Craig.

You all probably think I am mad.

I love them because they are, at least on screen, very confident. They are quirky and clever. They have a bit of menace about them. None of them are classically good looking.

It just shows you the difference between attractiveness and good looks.

Speaking of Kevin Spacey,  HOW GOOD IS THE SHOW "HOUSE OF CARDS"?!?!?!
That Frank and Claire are diabolical. They manipulate with sociopathic disregard for the wants or needs of others. Others, such as Russo, just go to water in their presence. I can't stop thinking about that scene where Russo goes to Frank's house with the aim of beating him up, Claire kindly invites him in, then Frank humiliates him, almost goading him into self-harm

It is compelling watching, particularly with such brilliant actors.

I also have recently had an MRI of my spine. I have had longstanding back issues. The scan revealed only old problems, which was a relief.

I have seen physios and sports doctors about the problem, and done lots of Pilates. None of which have given very durable relief.

So I went to see an osteopath. I have to say I was quite impressed, how he looked at my body in its entirety, and gave me a sensible explanation for why I was getting pain, and what I could do about it. I am relieved to say that it's not all in my head, rather a series of weaknesses/tightnesses in certain places which add up to give pain.

Also, my fella and I are looking into getting a dog. I miss my little Candydog. I will let you know how that goes.


What is on your mind at the moment?
Which Hollywood star would you do?
Do you see any body therapists? Do you swear by acupuncture, or go for Reiki?

Sri Lanka 2, with iPhoneography

Sunset from Balcony, Kandalama.

This post was started when I just got back. It's taken a while!

Helloooo

I have been invalided from work today so I sit here swilling hydrolyte and watering myself back to glowing good health.

Anywho here are some further reflections on Sri Lanka

Heidi to answer your question, yes, Nuwara Eliya is a very British colonial town. The Post Office and the Grand Hotel are great examples of some colonial architecture.

Other things we did

• We climbed up Sigiriya Rock Fortress, an ancient palace up a 200 metre high rock, designed about 2000 years ago. It was beautiful, with views, frescoes and moats. All the rocks and equipment were hauled up there not by slaves but my free men. 
• Saw the Buddhist temple which has Buddha's tooth in Kandy, then met with some locals.
• Went hiking in the Knuckles mountain range
• We went on a bike ride of some villages and met some of the locals.
• clocked a lot of time in the car, but seeing beautiful coastline, high country tea plantations, busy towns and everything in between.

Some impressions

The wildlife - native and not so native

As I have already alluded to, Sri Lanka has beautiful and diverse wildlife, which we got to see up very close. I mentioned Yala National Park, which was concentrated with such wildlife. On our long car journeys, it was not unusual for our driver to stop suddenly and point out a native bird sitting on the telephone wire.

What I have not mentioned is the canine life. As you will all know I am a dog lover. But these domestic pets in Sri Lanka are different to the ones at home.

I call them the kamikaze dogs.
They sit on the road where it is warm and pay no mind to the cars, which usually swerve for them.
They will sometimes run out in front of a car and bark at it.
If you are riding past on a bike, they will bark at you, too.
If there is a little pothole that looks comfy, even if is a place with lots of foot traffic, they will sleep in there. If you step on them, they will probably bite you.  They look healthy, short of being a bit small and skinny. Some of the strays have quite bad mange.
They are not friendly dogs. Some may accept a pat, but none of them solicit one.
They are no recognisable breed. The girl dogs all look like they have borne more than one litter of puppies. Most of them have owners, and they are probably the only humans the dog respects.

Even more wily are the macaques. They are everywhere. Everyone thinks they are cute but they can be vicious little buggers. They will bite and scratch. In Kandalama, we stayed on a hillside forest, which had lots of monkeys. We had to lock our balcony doors, otherwise they will come in and ransack the room. They are quite fun to watch from a distance, and see how they play and interact. They have little playfights. They are very agile. Once, at a temple, some men were eating their lunch, and a monkey was sitting on a tree branch above them, ready to dive-bomb the lunch.


The food

Similar to South Indian food. Very heavy on the coconut and spices. With lots of European tourists, the chefs make pains to tell people which food is spicy, and seem proud when they have made their food bland.
Pah! Very little there was too hot for me to eat.
They have lots of fake Chinese food. A bit of (north) Indian. The main Italian food there is Pizza Hut. They have the rare KFC and McDonalds.

Some of my favourite dishes were Hoppers (rice pancakes), Wattalapam (a coconut milk pudding), Jaggery (coconut sugar), Kottu Roti (Shredded roti stir-fried with meat and vegetables) and most of the curries. My favourite curry was actually at one of the less fancy hotels - the chef was there and patiently and proudly told everyone which curry was which.

People watching...

I did not see a woman who did not look elegant. Not in the made up, coutured, groomed way. They nearly all had long hair, which was neatly tied back. They all wore skirts and tops which looked in good order. They wore jewellery. They carried umbrellas to cover themselves in the sun. They looked feminine.
I saw some very very beautiful women wearing very very beautiful sarees.
Smiles were returned, graciously.
The men would often smile and nod, in a slightly macho but not cocky way. It was kind of endearing.
People rarely raise their voice.
I always got called Madam. Even by our driver. I tried to get him to use my name but Madam it always was.

Transport

Sri Lanka is a small country, so one might surmise that it does not take long to get around.
Not true.
After 30 years of civil war, ending in 2009, infrastructure is only just catching up. Also remember that it is a country of 20 million people on a very small island.
So on a single lane motorway, there are big buses, lorries, Motorcycles (some carrying whole families), Tuk Tuks, cycles, pedestrians and cars. All of them trying to get somewhere.
Hence crossing the double lines is very common.
Games of chicken are common.
Everyone is patient - there are naturally lots of errors are made but nobody gets aggressive. Nobody flips the bird. Horns are used as an alert rather than in anger.


And here are some photos!

Hornbills, Yala National Park

feeding a baby elephant.

Inquisitive wild boar, Yala National Park

chef, proudly pointing out which curry was which.

Land Monitor - Big Lizard/ very small dinosaur

Just Hanging out (of the bus, while in motion on intercity run)

2 day old Turtle Hatchling - Squeeeee!

fishing boat, near galle.

The morning's catch.

Some Saree action - no photos allowed in store.

Sigh, grit teeth and smile...Checking in.

I think this bug that I got has knocked me around a bit. I still feel a bit sick occasionally, especially if I get hungry. And I've been really pooped.

Most of my attention has been towards work and my PhD. Specifically, I want, HAVE to finish the PhD (or lapse candidature). My energy has been directed towards developing a plan to complete, overcoming certain obstacles (too mundane to discuss here). Also, towards expanding my work practice, perhaps into some private practice, though not too much during the PhD (otherwise I shall never finish). Towards making other life plans - saving money, having babies, et cetera.

Nothing like an end point to sharpen your focus, no?

I am also very rapidly approaching my 35th Birthday - on Saturday. That might sound spring chickeny to some readers, but it is officially Mid-30s. I can't help but get a bit philosophical.

When I was 25, where did I think I would be when I was 35? I don't think I thought about it that much. I was newly married, in the physician training program, and life felt a bit like is was mapped out, like I was on a raft on a river.

But life goes interesting when you go against the flow, doesn't it? Difficult, sad, challenging, and at times, harrowing, but ultimately rewarding. I am very happy with the way things have turned out.
Yet it is the perceived holes in our life that keep us from stagnating, keep us moving along. I think you know what that hole, that yearning, might be.

I am having a think about what I would have told my 25 year old self. My 30 year old self. That might be a separate blog post.

Anyway, that is enough for one night. I think it will be House of Cards, then sleepybyes.

I have just finished the book "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro. I am looking for another to download. Something fairly light, a bit funny.

What would you say to your younger self?
What book do you recommend?
What telly series are you enjoying?

On helping a friend with depression.

I know guys I have promised a post with photos of Sri Lanka. It's a big 'un and it's in progress.

Right now I have something more pressing I want to write about.

Everyone has been talking about Charlotte Dawson lately.

It's always a terrible tragedy when somebody young, beautiful and with the world at their feet takes their own life.

I confess to not knowing much about Charlotte, I don't watch the model shows or follow celeb gossip much. I was aware that she battled depression. Battle seems like a cliche but it is an apt descriptor for depression. It is chronic and debilitating. It is something her and I have  in common.

The common narrative is "she was so loved" "she was so beautiful".
"I wish I had have asked her whether she was ok".

Severe depression, no doubt like what Charlotte suffered, puts you in a place which is not amenable to declarations of love, or compliments. You don't believe them, and you certainly do not feel worthy of love or compliments.

I suspect that, if anyone other than her very closest confidant/ therapist had asked her was she ok, she would have smiled dazzlingly and said "I am fine".

Indeed, Charlotte reportedly looked fresh, glowing and energetic at recent engagements. Successful people who suffer with depression are adept at maintaining this facade.

Giving people compliments and reaching out by saying "RUOK" are great, and absolutely appropriate. It is great that people are thinking in these terms.

So, for argument's sake, you have a friend who you strongly suspected was struggling. What would you do if they said they were fine and you really didn't believe them? Alternatively, how would you react if they said they had serious thoughts of harming themselves?

It's quite a confronting thing to bring up, but bear with me.

A number of times, I have teetered a little too close to the proverbial cliff. Or I have wanted the earth to swallow me up. Mostly I kept this quiet, and many of those closest to me either did not know or did not know how to deal with it. It was good that I was mindful of these teeterings, and took myself off to the doctor when I had them.

Once, I was feeling this way, a friend who had also suffered with depression said to me "are you safe?" I didn't answer. He took the day off work and sat with me.

If you have a loved one who you know is struggling, I would suggest a proactive approach. In the place they are in, they will not likely take you up on offers, but they will be grateful for small interventions. They will get them through till the medication kicks in.

Call around. Sit with them. Make them take a shower and put out some clothes for them to wear. Bring around some food. Put your mobile phone number by their mobile phone, with strict instructions to call at any time if they feel on the edge.

Feelings of being on the edge often occur at the most inconvenient times of the day.

Being near somebody with severe depression (or any severe illness) is hard. They know that, and will try and hide themselves from you. But, like most other illnesses, with correct treatment, it gets better. Support will be remembered.

I am sure Charlotte had many people to tell her how wonderful she was, and ask her if she was ok. It was probably only a very inner circle that did the hard yards with her. My thoughts are with those people.

Above all, if you are in the situation where a friend is seriously depressed or suicidal, ask for help. Call the local CATT team. Call Lifeline (131114). March them to their doctor. Don't try and deal with it alone. Some things are bigger than the support you can provide.

This is an emotive topic, and I may get some differing views, which I would be happy to hear, but keep them respectful. Everyone comes from a different place. If it stirs up anything for you, please, go and see your doctor or therapist.

Sick

I got home last night.

I was going to write a big, shiny blog post, one with photos, today.

I have just this afternoon come down with a nasty bout of gastro.
I've not felt so ill in years.

Will write as soon as I can xxx

Sri Lanka 1

Ayuboman! (Greeting in Sinhalese meaning "may you live long", said with hands in prayer position and head nodded at the end, graciously.)

Due to fluctuating internet connectivity, this blog post is in a few pieces
Photos will be up when I head back!

Thurs 6/2

The fella and I are in Nuwara Eliya, one of the only places in Sri L where it is possible to be cold- it's at an altitude of  just under 2000 metres. Which means walking uphill seems slightly more strenuous than at sea level.

The fella and I have just awoken from afternoon naps. We were off at 0530 this morning, to get to the Horton Plains national park, for a hike through the high country through to Worlds End, where the mountains suddenly drop off into a 1km high precipice.

The terrain was variously grassland, with frequent streams and ponds, and high country jungle. The path was rolling hills mainly, interspersed with steep inclines and declines, and very uneven surfaces. Words can't really do justice to its beauty. The fella was the official photographer for the trip so I shall have pics up at a later date! We heard lots of wildlife, but only saw a very brave and bossy jungle fowl, a magnificent specimen indeed!

This little town is perched among the famous tea plantations in the central district. There is a big British colonial influence- the Brits probably found the weather more to their taste here! Walking into the township from the hotel, I am reminded of Halls Gap, with the mountain range in the background and towering trees, many of them eucalypts.

The town is less crowded than the bigger cities, but still pulsing; SL has the same population as Australia so crowds are inevitable. We went to the market, seeing exotic spices and some less exotic fruits- being cool, apples and strawberries and other cool climate produce is abundant. The pong of the fish and meat. Fresh yoghurt in terracotta pots. In the west, we have a very sanitised view of food!

Sun 9/2

After Nuwara Eliya, we headed to Yala national park for a jeep/ wildlife watching safari. SL has a lot of biodiversity. We had already been to an elephant orphanage, and cooed over the playful baby elephants, and saw them guzzle milk from bottles (nnnnnnawwwwwww).
On our drives around the country, we had seen many birds- our driver often stopped to point them out!

Yala was a great place to see animals in their natural habitats, from the safety of an open- topped 4WD.

We saw:
- birds- green tailed bee eater, herons (grey, white and purple), egrets, hornbills, pelicans and many others
- water buffalo
-crocodiles
- wild boar
- spotted deer, sambal deer
- elephants- mums and babies in a herd, 2 young males fighting, a male with tusks (rare- only 7 percent have tusks, only males)

Tues 11/2

Ahungalla, beach resort.

A bit of argy- Bargy when we arrived here- the hotel had overbooked. And we had to stay elsewhere for 1 of the 3 nights we had booked! So not impressed! We managed to get some upgrades/ free meals as recompense, after a few stern words were had. The tranquility had descended, with the aid of some soothing drinkies....

Anywho.

The drive along the coast was nothing short of stunning. The term palm fringed beach sounds like a cliche but here they are aplenty. We first stopped at Galle, to check out the fort, built in the Portuguese period, then taken over by the Dutch merchants. The driver very proudly pointed out the Galle cricket stadium, which was rebuilt after the 2004 Tsunami, with funds from Shane Warne, who had played his first test match there.

That tsunami wreaked havoc at many of the towns on this beautiful south coast. While the views of the fishing villages and the coastline were spectacular, it all felt a bit sombre.

Generally, I have rediscovered my childhood love of the beach, while being slapped around by waves and watching the big ones roll in from a safe distance.

The food at this resort is brilliant-many of the chefs here have won international awards. There are both western and Sri Lankan cuisines.

We are off to Colombo tomorrow- it will be sad to leave the beach.

Will post now, before my battery dies. More soon xx