Another one bites the dust

So I went for a job a couple of weeks ago. I bought a new dress for it and everything.

I did not get the job. I was crushed. I was given reasons, they did not relate to my ability, they wanted to keep existing staff on.

In applying for the job, I was wanting to a. work close to home and b. help along my career. I had reservations about whether I would feel comfortable or included within that role, or whether I have the same ethos as other staff members.

Mostly, being knocked back was a blow to the ego. 

Perhaps the more difficult thing was this occurring on the background of significant frustration related to my infertility. On spec the two things aren't related but to me, it's the feeling of not kicking goals.

However, I have felt the work-love - other boss types have come forward to offer me more work, and support for what I want to achieve in my career.

I think I will achieve more in my work if I feel happy, embraced and encouraged, rather than on guard in a dog-eat-dog, closed shop environment.

Onward and upward, though. Plenty to look forward to, plenty to do, and plenty of love.

Big steps

I have about 4 jobs. I've had a job for the last 5 months that I haven't liked. I have tried to like it but my enthusiasm finally ran out

I resigned it today.

There is another in the pipeline to replace it but they could only commit to it lasting 3 months.

I don't care. I got to the point where I dreaded pitching up to that workplace. I am lucky that I have the ability to do that, a lot of people have to stay stuck in jobs they hate.

While I felt a bit scared about resigning, my general feeling is good. I feel a bit of a weight off my shoulders.

Sometimes things have to change. My career will probably make a few twists and turns. I've just twisted and turned. Time to declutter.


I am doing ocsober. It's going ok. Alcohol was masking a bit of anxiety that I am now having to deal with, but I can do so with a clear head.

I have bought myself a pair of proper crossfit shoes.

They apparently help one do rope climbs. I want to be able to do a rope climb. I am ditching my box jump aspirations for a while. See, shaking things up.

I will do SSG's "things I like about myself" challenge, next post. Will have to have a think about it. Lots of bigness for today.

Hangin' tough.

For your delectation, a 1990s earworm. Any lapsed NKOTB fans out there?

It's been a tough day.

Very challenging work morning.

A lunch break at the local shopping centre. It was pregnant woman and little baby hour at the food court. They were errrrrywhere. I ate my lunch staring at a shop sign.

I went to my PM session. The dramas of the morning wiggled their way via phone and email into my afternoon work.

The infertility (I use that word legitimately now, it's been over 12 months) is taking its toll. Work has unique challenges. Many many sighs are sighed. Tears prick my eyes but are often bit back.

My saviours are my partner, my dog and crossfit. And my crossfit ladies. And youse. And Offspring. And Offspring debriefs with my cuzzy on facebook. And the Bachelor and debriefs in real time on facebook with the funny ladies who follow blogger Far Kew.

Actually that's quite a lot of things to smile about.


Yes, I am watching the Bachelor. I know. I blame my fragile state and soft brain.

Minor acts of aggression.

I have ummed and ahhed about whether to write this post, but here 'tis.

I have started a new job. I have been enjoying it, but have been finding it hard to switch off. I will learn. I will try to stay away from the vino and instead leave all the angst on the rubberised floor at my crossfit box, when I unleash the beast. Which I did this morning.

I had gotten to a place in my career where I felt liked, respected and secure. I had assumed that would continue at this current workplace, but that has been shaken in the last week. I have been feeling decidedly insecure.

Some of that is normal, different workplaces have different pecking orders, different people. It takes a bit of feeling about and testing the waters. A colleague who put me up for the job has been super supportive, and most people have been. It's also weird coming back as a senior, when you were junior to many of the people who are now theoretically your equal in the ranks.

There have been a couple of incidents this week, at the new role, which have rattled me a bit, and I will share with you.
 
I was just about to deliver a presentation at a meeting, very early on Tuesday morning. I greeted some a couple of my old consultants, male and now very close to retiring. I introduced myself, saying that I was their intern all those years ago.

Old boss #1 looks blank.

Old boss #2 muttered something to him which sounded very much like "oh, you just don't recognise her with her clothes on".

That last comment only sunk in a couple of days after. I gave my presentation like a professional.

A couple of days later, I was at a meeting with a few people whose roles are similar to mine. One of the people there was a person who, in my single days, I had been on a couple of dates with. It went nowhere, amicably.

He started with a long monologue, about how, in this new role, I had to listen much and talk less. We entered some general discussion. I suggested a role for my specialty in assessments. He said that we weren't up to it. I shot him a bit of a filthy look. He said "calm down Cilla" in front of everybody. A couple of minutes later, he said "sorry for insulting you". He then told me how I had to go ahead with some research I was doing, and who I had to involve, et cetera.

Both times, I wondered what I had done, and how I should act differently to make sure I don't feel uncomfortable.

I have come around, somewhat reluctantly, to the fact that I did not deserve to be treated that way. It's not cool.

I wish I could respond, swiftly and professionally, to such instances. Perhaps by asking people if they would like to repeat what they said. However, I would be the one to look out of order, such was the subtlety of the interaction.

I need to not let things get me down, to "chuck it in the fuck-it bucket". However I would like not to be put in the situation where I do feel belittled like this.

Spent.

I often work on the weekends - writing PhDs, papers, ethics submissions, et cetera. I still do plenty of other things, and get a sleep - in.

This weekend, I actually went into work! Like actual work where my workwear game must be up to scratch, I must be there at 0800, and I must be able to make sentences which make sense. Both days!

It was something a bit different to what I usually do, and it was fun and challenging, but gosh I am tired after it all, and I have had to nap.

Melbourne has been thrust well and truly into winter, with very chilly mornings and a bit of rain. Winter means boots and stockings and socks, and also Masterchef.

We are getting teasers of my beloved Offspring. I do hope it hasn't jumped the shark. I hope that Leo and Nina are still together, but I get the feeling from the ads that this will not be the case. I would love to see Nina getting settled and maybe getting preggers again, and I can't wait to see Zoe.

It has just struck me how invested I am in the show, like I am talking about my friends. I think that was the case for a lot of people.

In addition to having to work, my exercise at the holy church of crossfit has been a bit waylaid by popping my back out last Monday. I have decided to go and do some clinical Pilates. I have exercise goals which I think will be improved by having a good core. Also, it has worked in the past for staving off back pain, from which I suffer on and off.

How was your weekend?
Anything exciting this week?

Falling into the flow.

I have gone back to work, done loads and loads of washing, gotten back into the timezone and generally back into the swing of things. The acute post-holiday blues have settled. I start my new job tomorrow.

I have a new haircut. I was talking with a female professor of medicine, and out of the blue, she told me that I had a lovely face and that I needed a hairdo that would frame it. Granted my hair was in travel mode (ie lank and greasy) but I was a bit taken aback. I had a love-hate relationship with my long hair - it was always a belief I had, unchallenged, that "curvy girls should have long hair".

Anyway I took the professor's comment in the manner in which it was given; rather than saying "rude bugger" I considered and thought she might have a point. So I did some research with the committee (ie my female facebook friends) and found a good hairdresser, Barberella on Gertrude street. I did the old "do what you like but not this and this and this and this and also please don't make my face look fat". She was very good and attentive and I was very happy with the result, I have a lovely face-framing bob, which is super-feminine and sharp but classic.

This whole theme of taking things in my stride loomed large today. There have been lots of murmurings within one of my workplaces about lack of funds. Today, I had the meeting with the new director and the Prof Emeritus. I actually offered to "quit" for the time being, to concentrate on writing my papers. I figured that, if I had to go, I would go on my terms. Also it would free me from a few pressures and free me up to do more profitable work.

Long story short, the Prof Emeritus would not hear of me stepping aside. He asked me to stay on, but do fewer sessions. I agreed. It still frees me up to do something that pays better, but my role is intact. So essentially I weathered a cull gracefully. It could've been upsetting but it really wasn't. I realised it was great that I have options that few others have, so that this kind of thing isn't a big deal.

It's that working hard at the art of not giving a single fuck. To appreciate the pros and cons of each situation, and embrace whatever happens. At the moment, I am winning at adulting.

In general crossfit news, I can feel the attainment of a box-jump in my waters.

Wins.

Happy hump day folks.

As I have alluded to, I have been angling for some extra sessions at work. There is a job that went out, and has been a bit slow to come to fruition (ie interviews etc). The reason for this is that there has been some upheaval in the unit, and they have not been able to delineate the roles.

Anyway, long story short, I told the team that I was going away for 2 weeks, and did they want to interview me before I left. They did, and applauded my persistence. They offered me the job, and I said yes. This was yesterday.

I hope I don't have to push them to get my paperwork done..the thing I am most looking forward to is the pay!

Yesterday, I also gave a lecture to a health sciences school at a different university. The seminar was full, lots of bums on seats; even the Dean attended. I don't know whether it will come to anything but good to have it done and dusted, and that it went off successfully and was enjoyed.

I am nearly finished a second draft of my paper. I am culling words like a skilled surgeon. 

Warning Crossfit things ahead! 

Every week, our Box releases a WOD (workout of the day) as a spotlight of one member. On Monday, I had my member spotlight. Here it is. So exciting. It was enjoyed (cursed) by many.

It's been 1RM (one rep-max) week at crossfit. A one-rep max is the heaviest weight of a particular lift you can perform once. Unfortunately for the lifts I have done, I have not been able to meet my previous PB (personal best). I think it is because I have been training pretty hard, and am potentially a bit tired. Though I am hoping to exceed 82.5kg for my deadlift this week.

In box jump news, that is progressing. I am better at jumping over rather than jumping on. Today I put a PVC bar on top of a 20 inch box, so the end was hanging off. Hence if I missed I would just knock over a very light bar. I am now glad to say that my jump is over 20 inches (21.5 including the bar). I am getting springy, people!

Ok Crossfit stuff over.

Sunday was a bit of an off day. Long time readers might know about the epic PMS I suffer.
We were out to brekky on Sunday morning, at a cafe. I was feeling a bit fragile (might've been some red wine I drank). We were sat out the front with the dog.

Two Audi 4WDs, one black, one white, rolled up and parked. From out of the black Audi a young woman and her man emerge. They pluck a little baby from his carseat out the back, and a bugaboo or other prestige stroller from the boot. They greet the couple from the white Audi. The mum strokes the pregnant belly of White Audi lady, whose hair is long and groomed in hair-straightener curls.

I promptly silently burst into tears, and dripped snot and tears into my breakfast eggs, rendering them inedible. I was not that hungry anyway. I was in a funk for the rest of the day. I have had enough emotionally shitty days to know that it's often just a day, and it's about muddling through. So even though I felt shit, I got shit done. I did stuff up until it was time to go to bed.

Happy rest of the week, folks.

From the Jet Set

Greetings from Dubai. A quick catch up.

I have just been to a conference in Istanbul. I presented a poster. It was a reasonably good conference. Beautiful hotel.

I am now the Aunty of a divine little niece, who was overdue and born after an emergency c-section. Mum and bub are now doing well and niece is feeding like a champion. I can't wait to meet her. Squeee.

I had a cheeky vino, solo, last night in the rooftop bar, overlooking the beautiful city of Istanbul. Some quiet tears were shed - happy, sad and grateful. It's hard to explain, and I appreciated being alone with it.

People are congratulating me on being an aunty. That's weird. It's not like I did anything. I am just the sister of the mum.

Back to work when I get home. Turning the PhD around, churning what will hopefully be some good papers out, and going through the daily grind. No further overseas trips are planned at this stage. I may go mad.

On saying no, and its consequences.

Last week was a bit of a stressful week at work. Last Friday arvo, I was asked to do something that made me upset, and I cracked it a bit. I immediately set some boundaries, by group email. Nowadays I try not to make calls while acutely upset but sod it, I'd had enough.

The people it affected were gracious and contrite, and things have changed. This is good.

The first half of the year was so frenetic that I had promised myself that, once the PhD was finished, I would try not to work full time, to have some sessions free.

However, the frenetic pace went on, without me even realising it. One of my employers kept on asking me again and again to act at their bidding. The nocturnal tooth grinding continued. I was starting to dread the weekends, as I had to do work that I missed out on during the week. It took this blog post to get me thinking about my work-life balance, and finally I put it into action last Friday.

It bought up a couple of things:

I didn't know what to do with my spare time. 

There is so much emphasis on being productive and not wasting a moment that we forget that we don't actually have to schedule every minute. We wear busy like a badge of honour, but for what?

I have been thinking about some restorative things I could do. Not exercise; I do enough of that. Reading a book? Drawing a picture? Playing with the dog? God forbid, watching some telly - Series 3 of House of Cards is begging to be binge-watched.

There are things like the dentist, the tax agent, going to the bank.

Calling a friend. I had become more and more intolerant of talking on the phone, preferring to text. I have friends that need chatting with at the moment, so I have done this. 

But people might get angry if I say no.

It might have consequences, and I had to be ready to accept them.

Perhaps I was more angry with myself. That I "should" be up to working full time, plus the weekends. My kind of workplace appears to reward that type of work.

I find saying no stressful, such that I will say yes and do what I am asked as the stress of saying no is greater than the time expended doing the task. I am afraid of being passed over the next time an opportunity comes up, or worse, of appearing like (gasp) a cow.

I am finding that a. people are gonna bitch no matter what I do and b. worthy opportunities will still be available even if you occasionally be assertive.

I have read about the art of saying no for women. It said something about women always having to explain themselves and apologise, where men just say their piece and that is it. Hence I have been recently in the practice of saying no, and taking care not to apologise for standing your ground. I am practicing that too.

I am flexing my "no" muscle. It is scary but it feels good.

I call bullshit.

I have been a bit quiet on the blog post front of late. I have been doing lots, and enjoying my downtime from work which is very frenetic at the moment. My PhD completion seminar is coming up on Thursday, so that is on my mind.

I am much more wont to document on my inner world rather than what I do - many on my blogroll have a very compelling way of talking about their everyday tasks, making them sing and shine.

I am a bit loath to document too much of my inner world at the moment, because I fear it will get a bit boring. Also I think my inner self is getting Tourette's.

Normally I am quite a tolerant person, and I go with the flow. I am good at chillin'. At the moment, there is a very narrow threshold between relaxed and unhinged ("I need to slam my face into some chocolate and a vat of wine" / muttering curse words under my breath / sentence non-completion / sighing). This is my manifestation of stress, I think.

When I get stressed, lots of things are bullshit. The number of bullshit things is higher than usual at the moment.

Here is a list, including (but not limited to):

• The row of zits around my jaw and neck, kind of like a sore pimply necklace (inexplicably my face has cleared up).
• The weather. Melbourne had gotten the Autumn memo, switching on Mar 1 to cool nights and crisp days. However, the next few days are going to be muggy and stormy. I have some important engagements coming up and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR FOR THEM!
• That person in the office who is passive aggressive and bone-idle. Every office has one. I am suffering paroxysms of rage.
• The very up in the air nature of some parts of my job.
• The fear of getting torn a new one at my presentation (it's just a fear rather than actuality, but still...)
• Joe Hockey on Q and A last night. 
• Having my work helper go off sick and having to do a whole bunch of stuff all on my own.
• Those knots in my back and butt that my foam roller massager just can't undo.
• Jumping rope at crossfit. It makes me very self-conscious.
• Going to the dentist. It was a dentist I hadn't seen before and I found him a bit creepy. Be gone, creepy dentist.

Bullshit, I tell you.

Gratitude always offsets an attack of Bullshit fever. There have been good things, including (but not limited to):

• On a whim I signed up for a beginner's Yoga course. The first class was fab. I felt very virtuous and serene.
• I had a paper accepted for an oral presentation at an international conference.
• I am due to meet up with a bloggy friend and some other crackerjack ladies at a trivia night (I bloody love trivia nights)
• Lena Dunham's book "Not that kind of girl". She is the bomb dot com.
• Doing a pull up at cross-fit (ok it was assisted by a large rubber band and I only pulled up to eye level but still....)

What do you call bullshit on at the moment?

NZ Holiday. Things I like about NZ.

Howdy ladybugs!

I have just come back from NZ. I really wish I were still on holiday. We had a delightful time.

We started out in Christchurch, where my Fella's family live, for his special "zero" birthday. We headed up to Hanmer Springs, an alpine spa town, much like Daylesford in Victoria. We spent NYE there (the town pub was going off like a frog in a sock). We then headed up to Picton, the gateway to the Marlborough sounds. We spent 5 nights there, doing a hike, a kayak, a wine tour and a trip to Blenheim. We saw birds, seals, the hills, the sea, sunshine. We ate, drank, talked, laughed and generally reconnected.

It was great for the soul.

NYE. Scallops, Pork belly and Tamarind - OH MY.

Off from Picton, Into the Sounds we go!

If you look closely....you'll see the seal posse!

oooh, look!

And these little birdies are called Oyster Catchers

 

Worth climbing that steep hill.

A hard earned thirst was watered here, after the walk

You know the Savvy B? This is where it comes from!

The savvy b went down very well with this.

Some things I love about NZ

• The food. No really. They make good food, especially in Christchurch. Not so much in Picton. 
• The coffee. Most places. A flattie comes with two shots as a norm. 
• The vino.
• The People. Very friendly, very chilled.
• The public toilets. They are always clean, and they are never without toilet paper or hand soap.
• Tui Beer. Yes. Tui is to NZ like VB is to Victoria - a bit of a bogan beer. But it is a beer I like. And I don't like much beer.
• Whittaker's chocolate.
• Fush and Chups. Particularly in Kaikoura. Check out Tiki Takeaways if you are passing through. Best Fush and Chups ever.
• The rivers. You can see right to the bottom, they are so clear. 
• The difference between mince pies and steak pies, and that they are both meat pies!

 Am now back at work and acutely feeling the post-holiday blues. Today, Monday has come with a few "thwacks" from left field. It gives me good practice to keep my focus on completing the PhD, rather than sweating the "thwacks". It's also practice in having faith that things will work out as they are meant to.

Next trip will likely be to Boston. For the conferences.

There is a bit going on between then and now, so hard to focus on that. Un giorno per tempo, I was told.

I am really enjoying being home with the woofer, though. No matter what thwacks the day has bought, she always makes me smile.

Non-traditional debriefing.

Happy Friday, Peeps!

My fella is blowing off a weeks worth of cares, in the traditional way, at the Pub, with beer and chips.

I have taken inspiration from Nikki and am giving the 5:2 way a decent crack. I decided yesterday. So today, I fast. Usually I want to do it on a non-Friday/Saturday/Sunday, but I thought that I would start today. I got on the scales the other day and thought hmmm.... that new mirror that makes me look taller and thinner is a dirty lying bastard.

Unfortunately, some work-related nastiness occurred today.

The week has been plagued work related self-doubt, irritation and frankly a bit of resentment. It's just sucking the life out of me a bit at the moment. I am sure many of you can relate to this. It's been quite full, these last few weeks.

Such a week with this ending would usually culminate in quite a few drinks. And deep fried morsels. In fact, I was invited to the pub by my fella for these very things. My response to the invitation was "Nup. I am fasting".

The fasting has forced me to be mindful. My default response to stress is to eat or drink. I've made inroads into this, but old habits die hard.

The thing is, you still have to go through the stress, the anger, the frustration. Nothing will stop that.

I had to consciously plan a nice evening.
I was very grateful for the chance to debrief with my fella.
I am consciously trying not to think about stressful events, as they are done now.

After a hectic morning, I went to have an ultrasound. See, I went to do the pre-pregnancy obstetrician visit, like all the other nice uptight professional women. She just wanted to make sure that all the bits of the oven were in good structural order.

There was a long wait, apparently the fetuses were not behaving themselves (!?). I saw the preggy ladies, and was a bit.... I don't know...envious?

Also, my colleague bought in her little bubba to work today. Those chubby wubby cheeks! Hearing the baby squeal and gurgle and even do hungry moans from my consulting room - that was the highlight of my day.

I am ready for a change, I think. I have no illusions that my child(ren) won't severely try my patience, but the joys of it will far outweigh them, and I am just finding work a bit joyless at the moment.

Re: the intermittent fasting, I am not actually a great deal hungrier than I get on a usual day. I feel a bit more alert. It was not too bad. And apparently it gets better.

Recent Nice Things

One thing that is certainly not nice at the moment is the weather here in Melb.

It is foul and chilly and windy and rainy. In fact, the only thing that one feels like doing is sitting on the couch with some mulled wine and some pudding with cream. It's true. I will have to settle for a hot shower and a lick from the dog.

I had a bit of a busy weekend. I spent some time as an examiner for the mock exam for our physician trainees. I will be examining for the real thing soon, so it was good to get some practice in. It keeps me on my toes. Best of all the organisers took our coffee order in advance and had them available at break time!

Then it was a birthday party at a Pub. Sat outside. I hate outside at this time of year; even with the very feeble heating, I was freezing my botty off.

Sunday, after braving the cold for some exercise, I went to see Rocky Horror Show with my mum and some friends.

The highlight of it for me was seeing Craig McLachlan prance and joke and double-entendre on stage, in suspenders, heels and a corset, having an absolute ball. And when a performer is having a ball, so, usually, do the audience.

My, sir, you've been working out! Phwoar. And the view from the rear was spectacular too.

Another nice thing that happened is that I won a dress! The very gorgeous (and very pregnant) Jo from iCurvy was having a giveaway on her blog, and I won! I chose this dress (Image from Jo's blog)

I plan to wear it to a friend's wedding in Singapore. We go in September. Yays!

In the meantime, lots of packing. We are moving soon! eeek!

Also, I have started a few extra sessions of work. Eeeek (but looking forward to $$)

So it's on for young and old, really.

How are you?
How is the whether where you are?
What are you up to? Any exciting news/ plans to share?

Big things. Backing myself.

There's a lot happening around here at the moment...

The House! How lucky we were...... we have already started considering what we will do, renovations wise.

Work! I am taking new directions in that... it will be different, hopefully enjoyable.

I am trying to crank up my PhD work.

Baby plans have moved forward. All the "pre-baby" health things are being thought of and actioned.

It's exciting..and yet, it makes me anxious. Full of "but what if (insert thing here) happens"

I worry about whether I have the skills to take my job in this direction, even though there is no reason why not.

I am extremely sensitive to new mums talking about their crying babies. About how "it is the hardest job in the world". So sensitive that I have unfollowed a few people on facebook.

Thank God for the Mums I follow on these blogs - they are an excellent counterpoint and are so positive.

What if I don't know what to do? What if I don't like it? What if I fall to pieces? Get depressed? I have already made an anxious call to my mum confirming that she will be there to give instructions when I don't know what to do. It's not something you can practice for.

The underlying theme here is that I worry that I won't be good enough.

I worry that I won't be good enough, without any evidence that that is true.

By the by, I caught up with a friend whose marriage is on it's last legs. I went to Uni with him. We did the uni thing, graduated together, got married at similar times. Some of our colleagues had kids. Now they are having number 2 and 3. Now the first lot of marriages are breaking up....all different stages of life.

I told him without batting an eyelid that, whatever happens, he will be alright. There will be a time when he is happy. I told him that with absolute confidence, based on my own experience of that happening.

I need to learn to have a bit of faith. That anticipating the worst doesn't insulate me against bad things happening, but will definitely erode my confidence. I am somebody for whom the anticipation is almost always worse than the actuality.

I am having to learn to back myself, to have confidence in the fact that I can deal with things, and make the best of things. I've done it many times before, and I can do it again. Fear, like guilt, is a wasteful emotion much of the time.

Thankyou for reading that ramble. x

Terra Twenty Fourteen.

Hello chums!

There is no other way to hit the ground but running, is there?

And run, my fella and I did, on New Year's day. In some sultry sultry conditions, and with a bit of a sore head.

But first, we did some hardcore entertaining.

On the 30th, I hosted my junior colleagues at my house for some wine, cheese and reminiscing about a tough month well managed. They bought me some flowers, bless them. Here they are a week or so later!

Then the fella and I hosted an NYE partee. Low Key. About 12 peeps. That it was low key did not stop me from embracing a rock-chick ensemble with a smokey eye and a nude lip colour. This took a bit of planning and some pre-purchasing (FYI I recommend the Innoxa lip gloss - tastes and smells like coconut).

I worked on both the 31st and 2nd, but gallavanted off to Brisvegas with the fella on the 3rd.

The weather was diabolical. Hot, and humid. I nearly melted.

I had never been to the brizz before, and, notwithstanding the heat, it was nice to walk around.
I am nothing if not tough.

It was interesting seeing all the Queenslander houses in New Farm (there were some bloody big spiders in the trees though), and trundling along the river. No other people were foolish enough to be out.

This sign was also interesting.

Later, we had a wander about GOMA, to see the falling down to earth exhibition. It involved large scale installations and many references to wolves and the number 9. I enjoyed it.

We then went to Art Gallery, to see the California design exhibition. What struck me was that many of the designs that are iconic now (ie Eames etc) were borne out of necessity, using the materials plentiful after WW 2. Necessity is the mother of art as well as invention!

I took no photos here.....I am a bit funny about taking pics in galleries, even though the are allowed. Who is with me on this one?

We took a very hot walk over the bridge, stood in Myer for the cool, and then went to our hotel pool. Later we went to Tartufo for dinner. I am not very easily impressed by food but by golly I was impressed here - I had some chicken liver pate followed by the sand crab linguine.
Again no photos, begging me to ponder the question - if the food is not instagrammed, do the calories count?

On the Sunday, I was lucky enough to meet (separately) 2 enigmatic and even-more-fab-in-real-life lady bloggers.

Her

check the reflection...

And Her.

a shy little blossom....

(Guess who...)

It is wonderful meeting fellow bloggers - I have previously had the pleasure of meeting Kathryn, Philippa and Shauna in real life. P and S even cheered me on at the London Marathon! Kathryn and I did some karaoke in Tokyo together..

You chat like old mates - you already have some of the back story, and have already connected on some level previously....

But now, it is back to work. Back to earth. Hitting the ground running. After the dietary indiscretions of the extended festive period, craving and necessity has made me purchase a pretty penny's worth of fruit and veg. I whipped up some corn and zucchini fritters in the thermie.

I am loving the thermie - lots of tasty and healthy food is whipped up in a flash in that thing....

In exciting news, the fella and I are off to Sri Lanka in Feb, for a longer holiday! To borrow the phrase from FF, 'citing. I am discouraged from taking prolonged (ie over one week) holidays at the same time as the staff with children so Feb it is!

Also here is another gratuitous photo of some french bulldogs. Yes, it might become my thing.

And how about you?

How are you finding getting back to work?
Have you met other bloggers IRL?
Do you dig a rock chick outfit sometimes? A smokey eye?
Are you trying to be fit-n-elfy in the new year? How is that going?

Thermomix. Perfect. A prescription for the "Bah Humbugs".

Howdy, all!

I took delivery of my little beastie on Saturday.

Part of the whole shebang is having the Thermie Consultant come to your house and show you how to use the thing. My lady bought some pumpkin and other vegies and we made a pumpkin soup! It was delish!

After my epic work shift on Sunday morning, I decided some therapeutic cooking was in order. I actioned a curry (from scratch), some cumin and lemon infused rice, some cake and a beetroot salad. They were eaten enthusiastically by my Fella and my mum. Part of the cake was even appreciated by my colleagues.

I have subsequently created a spaghetti bolognese and breakfast smoothies. I will be actioning a panforte to slice up and give as presents.
And of course there will be pavlova.

Is it possible to love a machine?

Other than the fevered cooking, it has been busy here in Cilla-ville. Busy like just about everybody else. Decisions to be made. Things to be bought. I am trying not to let all of it get to me too much. Luckily some anxiety regarding changed/bigger roles at work has subsided and I am enjoying the challenges.



Love Offspring? Of course you do.
Love Eddie Perfect? Mais oui.
He was playing at a local pub last night, with a jazz ensemble called The Renovators.
They were playing Jazz versions of popular RnB artists, including Beyonce, Rihanna, Chris Brown and Craig David.
Eddie even had some special guests, who stole the show.
It was Eddie's birthday, and he looked like he really enjoyed just playing his music and bantering on stage, it was quite a casual gig.
We enjoyed it.


There has been a little bit in the blogosphere about finding Christmas Stressful.
Some posts even ask advice on how to deal with it.

Christmas is crappily timed, at the end of the year, when everything else also has to be done.
A time to reflect, perhaps on a year that wasn't what you imagined it would be, or was downright awful. Unpleasant feelings are often intensified at this time of year.
Worse, you feel guilty because you are supposed to be joyful and grateful, right? Everyone else is!

Actually no.

We can't control what happened, but we can control the guilt about not feeling the "christmas joy" (which is similar to "motivation", "happiness" and the "tooth fairy")
So no guilt, 'kay?
Take a bit of time to feel your feelings.

I remember Christmas eve, 2011. 2011 was a difficult year. I was sat alone, in my house.
I don't need to tell you how that felt.
What did I do? Got shitfaced on wine, ate a truckload of shortbread and had a good, hard howl, while Sex and the City DVDs blared in the background. The next day, I got up and got on with it.

I thoroughly recommend it.
It's ok.
Do what you need to do.

What kitchen/other gadget do you like?
What is your comfort activity of choice?
Anything else you wish to share?

#Friday #avagoodweekend

Hello, from the couch of cilosophy.

Firstly, thank youse all sooo much for your input re my wardrobe conundrums. It was very exciting. I have a nice grey marle tshirt for myself, and I am off to source those witchery jeans I wanted...tomorrow!


I have been on call this week, till 8am this morning, and I have had a few calls. So I am celebrating with a wine, as I type.

On Monday and Tuesday, I caught up with some girlfriends. The first one who has recently had her 40th. We went to Woodstock in Brunswick East. Fantastic, authentic pizza and pasta. No photo, as we nommed it too quickly.

The other girlfriend I caught up with at Gorski and Jones, a new Italian restaurant in Collingwood. Tuesday night is Suckling Pig night. Behold....

The crackling was thin and crispy and the taters were yummy. The pork itself was succulent and it was a massive serving - I took some home (they give doggy bags!) and had it on a sammich for lunch the next day. The  vegetables on the right are celeriac and beetroot, and were super tasty. Sorry I can't make up better descriptors....I am drunk on one glass of pinot gris....

Speaking of which, my little friend who I caught up with is from Honkers. She has they typical Asian Alcohol Metabolising Enzymes ie goes bright red and is intoxicated after half a glass of wine. She said to me, face aflush, "your face. It is so symmetrical. It is big. And cute". I said "that is the wine talking".

Kids today.

I had a bit of a Wonky Day (boat issues) on Wednesday. I have one of those per week. It is getting better.  Rome was not built in a day etc etc.

Thursday morning, I caught up with my best GBF (Gay Boyfriend). I have not seen him for yonks. He has been doing his fellowship in neonatology in Toronto (I know, right!!!) and he has just got back. He may be going to live in New York City soon.... I will miss him, but this is an excuse to visit.

The coffee we had came with a special message

Never a truer word said.
Though a little biscotti (biscotto??) with my coffee would've been good too.


Thursday arvo, I caught up with my Statisticians. In research (to borrow the Phrase from Faux Fuchsia), Statisticians are Key. Because the only people who know anything about statistics are statisticians. They suggested some new and exciting ways to analyse and present my primary outcome (ie the most important point of my PhD) AND they are also gonna analyse my data at the end of the year....they think that I will need substantially fewer people than I thought I did....which means I may be able to finish earlier....and earn proper Doctor money!

God bless the Statisticians. They know not what they mean to me right now.

Today, I was in the zone, work wise. After my wonky day on Wednesday, I felt powerful, confident and calm. I used my calm doctor voice and a beatific smile to soothe and console - and that was just my allied health colleagues! I managed to come up with solutions that seemed to please people. I feel good.

Also, my fella is coming home for dinner, rather than being chained with nose to the grindstone till 10pm like he said. Fush and chups bro!

We are finally having some decent weekend weather.

And, these are awesome! I bought them on Monday and I still have over half the box left!

How was your week? Happy weekend to you.