Spent.

I often work on the weekends - writing PhDs, papers, ethics submissions, et cetera. I still do plenty of other things, and get a sleep - in.

This weekend, I actually went into work! Like actual work where my workwear game must be up to scratch, I must be there at 0800, and I must be able to make sentences which make sense. Both days!

It was something a bit different to what I usually do, and it was fun and challenging, but gosh I am tired after it all, and I have had to nap.

Melbourne has been thrust well and truly into winter, with very chilly mornings and a bit of rain. Winter means boots and stockings and socks, and also Masterchef.

We are getting teasers of my beloved Offspring. I do hope it hasn't jumped the shark. I hope that Leo and Nina are still together, but I get the feeling from the ads that this will not be the case. I would love to see Nina getting settled and maybe getting preggers again, and I can't wait to see Zoe.

It has just struck me how invested I am in the show, like I am talking about my friends. I think that was the case for a lot of people.

In addition to having to work, my exercise at the holy church of crossfit has been a bit waylaid by popping my back out last Monday. I have decided to go and do some clinical Pilates. I have exercise goals which I think will be improved by having a good core. Also, it has worked in the past for staving off back pain, from which I suffer on and off.

How was your weekend?
Anything exciting this week?

Relationship Dynamics the Offspring way.

Hey, and apologies in advance for the year 12 style literature analysis.

Actually, not sorry at all. I love getting all excited and analytical about this stuff. This is about the only stuff I overthink.

If you have read my blog for any length of time you will know that I am a die-hard Offspring fan.

Nikki over at Styling You workshops Nina's style every Thursday morning. It has a big following. And the fashion is one of the big drawcards of the show, along with the brilliant ensemble cast.

What I appreciate about the show, though, is its study in relationships.

Yes - Realistic portrayals of relationships and their nuances make very compelling viewing, and it is magic when people can relate to and connect with the characters. For instance, I never really appreciated Sex and the City until I started dating, and getting out and about a bit. That was a groundbreaking show, insofar as it broke apart the whole "virgin/whore" dichotomy that women were confined to in television prior to this. And there really are "men like that" out there. I could go on about this for a while.

But I digress.

Having had some experience of the ups and downs of relationships, I confess that I find some parts of Offspring especially poignant.

Foremost it reinforces a belief I have about the way we interact, and that is

The way your personality is expressed is very much affected by the people around you....

Yes, though we have an intrinsic personality style, the people that you interact with can bring out your very best, your very worst, and your most neurotic, and your most calm and caring. We are at our best when somebody listens to us, hears us, understands us and loves us fiercely for who we are.

Conversely, when people put us down, and this can be very insidious, we may try and suppress those bits of ourself that we are uncomfortable with, but they come tumbling out in an ungraceful manner, eventually.

This may seem all captain obvious but we can be very unaware of the way in which others can influence how we act.

Take Nina. Nina likes to talk. When Patrick gets all shut down, Nina talks more, and it gets very grating - I even had a text from a friend and fellow die-hard Offspringer during an ad break "Gee Nina is grating on me tonight". Sure, the awkwardness is expanded for dramatic effect, but I am sure we have all been there. She blabbers, she gets cut down, she feels bad, she tries not to do it again, but in doing so, she is denying the very essence of who she is.

I found the scene where Nina was seeing her therapist alone last night quite emotional, as it reminded me of a few sessions I have had with a very skilled therapist. (Though the therapist was not quite as fetching as the one here)

The therapist gave her a compliment, made her feel safe, made her feel good about herself. Nobody there to shut her down.

Nina lay down, relaxed, and said exactly what was on her mind, very clearly and very succinctly. It was an entirely reasonable and understandable thing she said.

Having been there myself, these are the useful times, the breakthrough times, and from there we can work on things.

When Nina is in the operating theatre or labour ward, sequestered from the nurses making biting comments, Nina is calm and in control.

Outside, a different story.

When Nina is with her family, or Billie, or sometimes Patrick, they make her feel like an idiot, then she goes and acts like one. Sound uncomfortably familiar?

Take also Billie. Billie has a heart of gold, but can be abrasive and say the wrong thing. Yet Mick seizes on Billie's traits "scary in a good way" and tells her he loves them. Sometimes in song. And whaddya know? Billie softens and starts acting normal, even nice. And that is great to watch. Billie's belief in Mick, and not so subtle nudges have turned Mick from laconic bartender/handyman/pub crooner into "the Justin Bieber of inner northern Melbourne".

They bring forth the best in each other.

And Geraldine. She was a lovely and supportive mother when she was with Darcy. With Philip? Not so much. Wine and pot with snarky remarks, anyone?

Who we are with can make all the difference to how we are as people.
To paraphrase what a friend once told me "keep company with people who bring forth your best".

It's a hard when your realise that your partner and/or family does not. As it is generally hard to make others change their behaviour, you then have to modify your own. You can make a decision to be kind and understanding, and hope that it propagates, but this can wear you down if it's not returned.

Or you can walk away. That's hard too.


As for Nina and Patrick - when he starts listening understandingly to her rambles, she might ramble a bit less. When she kindly says "ok, I can see you need some space now, I will be here when you need me", he might shut off a bit less. If Nina says to Billie with a loving glint in her eye "steady on tiger", Billie might just back off a little.

Nice that I have learned about how to negotiate a relationship. But sadly it doesn't make for good telly.

The Men of Offspring

Ok so it's no secret that I live for Wednesday nights (second to weekends, and holidays) when Offspring is screening.

I only really got into it from the second series, but I think it is warm, funny and clever, with (mostly) likeable, evolving characters, lots of eye candy, and lots of great Melbourne streetscapes.

And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FASHION.

Nina and Billie are the Protagonists, but I must say that sometimes I find them a bit grating. I love them and everything, but the cringe factor is high with them.

Nina is a worst-case scenario person. Reminds me uncomfortably of myself. She is also very awkward, which causes some facepalm (but admittedly very funny) moments.

Billie is a bit of a bull in a china shop. She can be a bit thoughtless (and perhaps even a bit bullying) of Nina. I want Neens to man the hell up and stand up to Billie.

I think Eloise is a quick distraction and will fade out in the next couple of episodes.

I am starting to warm to Zara, it is lovely seeing her softer side.

The really interesting part of the series though is seeing how the man-characters are developing.

Mick - He is such a thoughtful husband, and a very grounding influence for Billie. He appreciates her but keeps her from getting too bossy. It is interesting to compare Mick and Billie's relationship with Patrick and Nina's.

Jimmy - He is probably my favourite character (other than Billie and Nina) on this show. He has grown from an irresponsible, flighty and haphazard boy into a strong, supportive father and partner. Seriously, how well has he manned up since Zara got knocked up? His gentle persistence and abiding love wore the sometimes cold Zara down.

And how lovely was it when he took the baby to hospital so that Zara could see the bubba chuckle? I think that even melted Kim's frozen heart, and made my ovaries jump.

Patrick - He is really starting to get in touch with his emotions, which is nice. Sometimes it is a bit misguided (the talk he had with Eloise in the bar should have been had with Nina) but he is getting there. Nina seems to respond well when he is calm, firm and loving.

Darcy (or Darcehole) - is being a bit of a tool at the moment. Seriously! How he treated Billie with the business! Just being a sulky so and so. And now gadding off and not being around for Nina to have her bub! To paraphrase Geraldine, how many mid-life crises does one need????

Clegg - At first I thought he was a bit of a tosspot. Mildly amusing, though. My opinion of him changed in a heartbeat when, after Cherie broke up with him, he offered her a chocolate crackle. What a guy!

Philip Noonan -nnnnnerd! In the nicest possible way. I won't even mention the pinkle moment. Oh wait. I just did.