Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Passive aggressive Facebook status updates.

I often see facebook statuses with just a sad face, or an oblique reference to people being upset, and I feel annoyed and sorry for the person in equal measure. Facebook is a place for funny memes, not for coded cries for help....although upon consideration, it's good that somebody might feel compelled to reach out and ask if the person is ok.

Today, I posted an epic passive-aggressive FB status update:

Shitmotherfuckerfuckshitcunt.

It did not even go halfway to explaining the way I felt today, yet I felt it appropriate. I find contrived platitudes about gratitude and positive attitude (rhyme!) annoying too. Anger and frustration are a part of life. It is confronting to people when they are expressed.

I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself to get my work situation sorted before I start on the IVF. I feel like my job seeking prospects might be limited in the future. This has caused a lot of angst, largely because part of the job thing is out of my control. There are wheels within wheels there.

Also, I have found my lack of substantive work quite erosive to my self worth. The good feedback goes nowhere and I begin to doubt myself, and resent the processes.

The situation with my mum has weighed on my mind, too. We would all like the calm guidance and support of our mother when we embark on our own motherhood, but I have come to the conclusion that this will not be the way for me, and I have to find a way for that to be ok.

These thoughts seem quite coherent, to me anyway, but they have bubbled under a lot of general feeling shitty lately. It's good to have them surface, and I can take a deep breath in and while breathing out I can say "fuckit". I can't wait for the ducks to line up before I do the IVF. There is never a good time. I just have to press on. The other shit will be what it is, and I have to deal with it as it comes up.

Fitness goals:

1. I did a pullup with only an orange resistance band (pullup arms getting stronger, I can feel an unassisted pullup coming soon)
2. I did a set of 3 of these with 40 kg on the bar


I did not look as smooth as that guy, but my grunt was on point. Grunts are good. They fix things.
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3 comments:

  1. Sydney Shop Girl17 January 2017 at 17:13

    Dear C,
    I am sorry you are going through all this right now. I wish I had solutions and guarantees to give you. Instead I can only offer my friendship, virtual hugs and an ear to listen.

    SSG xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heidi19 January 2017 at 03:28

    1. This is amongst many reasons why I hate Facebook and am no longer on it. I do not miss it at all.
    2. You will find a support network that will replace anything you don't get from your mum. As you know, my mum is no longer with us, and my sister recently had her first baby as a single mum. It is tough on her, but she has friends stepping in to give advice and assistance, and me of course too... my point is you'll get some support from somewhere else and built your own network.
    Hope the job situation works itself out, it's hard not to stress though so I hope you're taking care of yourself before you embark on IVF xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Faux Fuchsia20 January 2017 at 01:45

    Hi darling,

    H is right, you will find a lot of advice and support from your friends- I did. Your tribe will support you and you will trust your instincts and be a fabulous parent.

    Maybe everything won't be sorted before IVF but it won't matter because you are tough enough to stumble through.

    Stay calm and I know it will all work out beautifully.

    Everything will be ok xxxxxxxx

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