2 years.

Around this time 2 years ago, my marriage broke down.

I am just reading through the posts from that time, and from 1 year later.

2 years ago, my emotions could be summarised as:

• frightened

• confused 

• angry

• guilty. 

All in very large measure.

1 year ago, I could summarise them as

• frightened
• lonely
• sad

There was a general feeling of "ok, what now?". But there was quite a bit of happiness there. I had started to feel hopeful. To get up and brush myself off. To do the best I could, and make the best of what I had.

Today, I could summarise my feelings as

• contented
• wise (is that a feeling?)
• accepting
• relaxed.
• In control.

I bumped into my ex-brother in law today. I smiled and said hello and kept on going. I know that my ex's baby is due around now, but I don't think I am quite ready to hear about it. And how would it help?

We don't have to confront everything. Sometimes the less we know, the better.

A lot of stuff I was worried would happen 2 years ago did actually materialise. And you know what? I am ok. Great, in fact. Things were bad at the time but you do survive, and get stronger. It sounds cliched but it is true.

I am living the life I wanted to live. Contented, conscious and grateful.